The Thornton Blog

What's going on here then?

2009-10-14T22:25:00.003+01:00

I'm not entirely sure if anybody reads this any more, but in-case there are any stragglers out there, let me introduce you to our new-ish style website. I've moved our blog over to bog standard blogger hosting so that I can liberate the generous friend whos server I've been squatting on. As such, all previous postings on the blog will lose any images they had attached and there is no longer a link to our photo gallery. We tend to use facebook for that kind of thing these days so there is no real point us holding onto our own website. Also, most of the email addresses attached to the graemethornton.co.uk domain are getting spammed to hell and back so I figure now is as good a time as any to cut loose and start again!

We'll be leaving the blog up here for the time being until we decide what to do with it. I've got the articles archived off so that we can read back over them if I decide to kill this site.

Anyway, if anybody is reading this, please leave a comment and let us know you're out there!

Graeme

Big Brother's Little Brother (or Sister)

2008-09-17T18:10:00.000+01:00

Francis is going to be a big brother!

I'm expecting our second baby some time in April or May. We won't know exactly when until we have a scan. Until then, the due date on the ticker (which I will put up soon) will be purely guess work!

We're very excited but a little daunted - how on earth will we manage with TWO?!

Lisa xxx

The Thornton Family's Latest Member

2008-09-08T19:31:00.000+01:00

Yesterday we welcomed our newest addition into the fold! I'd like to introduce you to Milo, our new kitten!

He's settled in really well. He slept on my pillow last night and I didn't get much sleep because he kept waking me up by washing my face. Max seems quite intrigued by him, but Xena is less than impressed and spent several hours sulking behind the sofa. Francis loves him, except when Milo is going for his ankles!

Lisa xxx

An Update on Francis

2008-07-20T21:12:00.000+01:00

I think it's about time I gave you an update on Francis as I've got quite a bit of news!

Firstly he has stopped breastfeeding. A couple of months ago I noticed he was becoming less and less bothered about his morning feed so in the end I stopped offering it to him... and he stopped asking. I was a little bit sad to see the end of breastfeeding, but I always knew Francis would self-wean sooner rather than later. Still, I don't think I did to badlly to manage almost 15 months of breastfeeding, especially considering Francis was born with no sucking reflex. Thinking back I'm amazed I managed to breastfeed him at all!

The biggest piece of news is that Francis is now officially a toddler! Although it's months since he took his first steps, he remained a very reluctant walker until only a few days ago when he suddenly decided walking wasn't so bad after all. He now toddles all over the place. There's no stopping him!

Last, but not least, we have managed to wean him off his dummy. Well, I say wean, but really I just stopped giving it to him one day and he's never asked for it. There were a few tears at sleep time for the first couple of days, but now he happily chatters away to himself in his cot until he falls asleep. And to think I was worried that taking his dummy away would be a complete nightmare. I should have more faith in him!

Lisa xxx

It Never Rains, but it Pours

2008-06-23T11:39:00.000+01:00

To say I have had a dreadful week is the understatement of the century. I'm still hoping it's all just a horrific nightmare and that I'll wake up any moment.

Last monday my Great Auntie Audrey lost her battle with cancer. My Mam and I knew Audrey was very poorly so were planning on going to see her. Sadly, we never got the chance.

That same day my Granda was rushed into hospital. On Tuesday, it looked like they may be keeping him in for a while so I arranged with my Mam to go and see him the following day. That night at around 3am my Mam phoned to say that the hospital had sent for us because Granda was so ill. We all rushed there in a taxi, but we were too late - he'd already gone. I went to see him in his bed and he looked so peaceful. He'd been ill for a long time and it was a reflief to see him free from pain. I'll miss him very much but knowing that he's reunited with my Nanna makes me want to smile rather than cry.

Just when I thought the week couldn't possibly get any worse, my Mam rang on Saturday morning with yet more bad news. It would be disrespectful to those involved to share the details with you on this website, but I will say that the news absolutely knocked me for six and had me in tears for the first time that week. This latest turn of events has had a profound effect on me and I really don't think I'll ever be the same again.

This afternoon I'm off to Auntie Audrey's funeral and on Wednesday we say goodbye to my Granda. Last week was tough. This week is going to be a real struggle.

Rest in Peace Granda and Auntie Audrey. Give Nanna a big hug for me!

Lisa xxx

Who is your Daddy, and what does he do?

2008-06-12T15:29:00.000+01:00

Recently, I was wondering how many people actually read this blog. We hadn't updated it in ages, but nobody seemed particularly bothered. With this in mind, could I ask for a show of hands from the audience? If you have found yourself reading this, then would you mind leaving a comment on this post so I can see who's out there?

Thanking you muchly!

Graeme

Kongrats for Kerrel

2008-06-08T20:17:00.000+01:00

Huge congratulations to my old friend Kerrel and her new husband Kenji who welcomed their baby boy, Hughie, into the world last week.

I was really shocked when I found out Kerrel was expecting and was almost bowled over backwards when she got married! She certainly doesn't do anything by halves!

Well done Kerrel! I wish you, Kenji and little Hughie every happiness and all the best for the future.

See you on Thursday!

Love and Hugs,
Lisa xxx

To Cut a Long Story Short...

2008-06-08T20:08:00.000+01:00

Massive, MASSIVE apologies for the complete lack of updates recently. Life has just completely taken over meaning the website has been pushed totally out of my mind!

The big news is we've left Liverpool behind and are now settling into a lovely flat back in South Shields. Graeme has started a new job in Newcastle and I'm beating off family members with a stick as they all vie for Francis's attention. Unfortunately our Liverpool house hasn't sold so we're renting at the moment and will have to rent the Liverpool house out so we don't end up in financial dire straits. Hopefully the housing market will pick up soon so we can well and truly cut all ties with Liverpool and buy a new family home.

It's good to be back.

Lisa xxx

One Small Step for Francis

2008-04-07T22:43:00.000+01:00

Francis took his first steps today!

His first attempt was very reluctant. He was resting against my legs and I moved away leaving him standing on his own! He hated this because he obviously didn't feel very safe. After a lot of encouragement from me and much protesting from him, he eventually took the two or three steps towards me and was rewarded with a big hug!

When Graeme got home from work we encouraged Francis to have another go. It took a lot of encouragement from both of us to get him to move, but once he realised he could walk without holding on he got really excited and was keen to keep trying.

He can only manage a a couple of steps, but it's a start!

Lisa xxx

It's A Girl!

2008-04-03T13:41:00.000+01:00

Congratulations to our friend Ele and her partner Phil on the arrival of their first baby! Little Alice arrived at 8:58 this morning weighing 7lb 11oz.

Hopefully I'll be able to go and see mum and baby soon. It's been a while since I last saw Ele - I think I was only 5 months pregnant with Francis at the time!

Lisa, Graeme & Francis xxx

Francis Is Poorly

2008-03-24T21:30:00.000Z

Last Tuesday Francis went for his latest set of immunisations. As Graeme and I have decided that Francis won't be having the MMR, the nurse decided to give Francis both Pneumococcal jabs at the same time to save us going back in four weeks. I'd been dreading him having his jabs, but it was far less traumatic than I expected. There was some crying, but Francis calmed down within a minute or so and quickly forgot what I'd subjected him to. As with previous jabs Francis slept for quite a while once we got home and for the rest of the day was a bit grumpy. It wasn't until Wednesday that things started to go horribly wrong.

Francis seemed his usual self on Wednesday morning. He woke, had a feed and then I took him downstairs for his porridge. He was yumming it up as usual, but about halfway through the bowl, Francis started retching, then promptly projectile spewed the whole lot back up while I watched in complete disbelief. I'd never seen anything like it. I gave up on his breakfast, cleaned him up and put him back to bed. He went to sleep straightaway, but about 20 minutes later was crying. I went in to his room to find him lying in a pool of sick. As I was cleaning this up, Francis seemed to perk up a bit so I brought him back downstairs and he happily ate a banana.

It wasn't long before he was tired again so I put him down for a nap and he slept for three and a half hours. I was worried out of my mind because this is so unlike him, so I was checking on him all the time. By the time he woke up it was 3pm so I thought he must be starving. He was full of life and smiling so I guessed it would be OK to give him something. I was wrong. A few mouthfuls in and it all came up again and more besides. He accepted a few mouthfuls of yoghurt, but refused the rest and wouldn't entertain the kiwi fruit I offered him, so I gave up on lunch at that point.

About an hour after lunch I'd started wishing I'd not bothered to give him anything! I was sat on the sofa with Francis standing beside me and he started retching again. I didn't think there was much left on his stomach, but my god was I wrong! It just kept coming. We were both covered in sick, as was the sofa. I had to strip Francis off and get changed myself. It felt like no sooner had I sat back down in my clean clothes, he was being sick again. He got so upset because his stomach was virtually empty and it must have really hurt him. At this point he started to get really lethargic and spent much of the rest of the day laying on my lap watching telly, when usually he won't stay still for 30 seconds.

On Wednesday night before we went to bed, we popped in his room to check on him and were immediately struck by the most foul disgusting smell; I knew instantly I was about to change a very nasty nappy. To make matters worse, Francis was lying in a pool of sick. I have no idea how this didn't wake him up. The nappy was full to the brim with most disgusting poop ever and the smell was overwhelming; I had to open the window. How there was no leak I will never know - Pampers obviously have very good quality control.

The following day Francis went rapidly downhill. His temperature shot up, he couldn't keep any solids down at all, though he was managing to keep down breastmilk and water. I got quite scared when he started shaking despite being red hot, so I rang Graeme at work who managed to get Francis an emergency appointment at the GP. The GP assured me that Francis wasn't having a bad reaction to the jabs (though I remain unconvinced), but was suffering from gastroenteritis. He prescribed paracetamol and ibuprofen to bring Francis's temperature down and dioralyte to replace any lost fluids. The GP told me that if Francis developed a rash (i.e. suspected meningitis) or if we had any concerns at all, to take him straight to A&E at Alder Hey Children's Hospital.

That evening Francis took a turn for the worse and I really thought we might have to take him to hospital. He started bring up fluids too and was so lethargic he could barely move. I didn't dare put him to bed on his own so he stayed up with us until we went to bed. I wanted to keep a close eye on him so he slept in the bed with me while Graeme had the sofabed. I couldn't bring myself to close my eyes and just lay there staring at Francis making sure he was OK. I eventually fell asleep in the wee small hours through sheer exhaustion. It was a restless night for me as Francis woke several times for a feed and thankfully he kept the milk down.

The overnight breastfeeding obviously helped because he seemed a bit better by Friday morning, and each day since we've seen tiny improvements, but he still has a long way to go. He didn't vomit today and is tolerating small amounts of solid food, but is still very lethargic and extremely irritable and tearful. I'm finding it very tough going. Francis wants to breastfeed a lot and I'm only used to two feeds a day. As a result I've been really sore and physically drained. I'm ashamed to say that the thought crossed my mind of quitting breastfeeding completely as I reached the point where I couldn't bare to latch him on because of the pain. Thankfully, I got through the pain and am now happy to feed Francis as much as he wants, but I'm exhausted - probably because my body is working overtime to produce all the extra milk.

I really wish I could make Francis better, but unfortunately I'm not Supermum. I hate seeing him like this. It's funny to think that when he was tearing around the house I'd have given anything for him to keep still for 5 minutes, but now that he is I hate it! I miss my happy, live wire and can't wait to have him back.

Lisa xxx

Happy Birthday Francis!

2008-03-06T20:42:00.000Z

I can't quite believe it, but today was Francis's 1st birthday! I have no idea where the time has gone and it is still sinking in that we now have a one-year-old!

We were up at 7:30am and after Francis's feed we went downstairs to open his presents. Francis wasn't that interested in the gifts and I ended up opening most of them myself, but we did manage to pursuade him to tear the paper off one of them. We didn't get him much because he got loads of things at Christmas and we really don't have the space for any more toys. We bought him a toybox, clock, steering wheel for his buggy, a couple of books and a t-shirt.

Once the presents were open and we'd got ourselves organised, we went to the Blue Planet Aquarium for the morning. The place was packed with families and overrun with buggies! Francis was absolutely fascinated by the fish, though he did get a bit bored at one point so we decided to break for lunch. I'm glad I took something along for Francis because the food in the restaurant was worse than McDonalds. After lunch we walked through the underwater tunnel to get a closer look at the sharks - we were glad to get out of there because looking through the distorted glass made Graeme and I feel rather queasy. We then headed outside to look at the otters. I think the otters thought we were going to feed them because they came very close to us and were chattering away! For me they were definitely the highlight of Blue Planet and Francis obviously loved them too!

By this point Francis was pretty tired because he'd only had 15 minutes of sleep all morning, so we left Blue Planet and went to a retail park for a wander about. Francis fell asleep almost as soon as we put him in his pram and didn't wake until we left! Our final stop off was to a cake shop in Liverpool to pick up Francis's birthday cake for his party on Saturday.

Graeme and I are pretty tired because it's been a busy day, but we still have to pack and get organised for another early start tomorrow. We're driving back to South Shields to celebrate Francis's birthday with family, so we're in for another busy couple of days.

I'm not sure what Francis will make of his party as he's too young to understand the whole birthday thing, but there'll be plenty of food which I'm sure he'll appreciate!

Lisa xxx

Are You Ready For Children?

2008-03-05T16:58:00.000Z

I found this on one of my messageboards today and it made me chuckle, so I thought I'd share.

Preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or father.

1) Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, take out 10% of the beans.

2) Men: to prepare for paternity, go to the local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the pharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the paper. Read it for the last time.

3) Before you finally go ahead and have children, Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behavior. Enjoy it - it'll be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

4) To discover how the nights will feel, walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 lbs. At 10pm put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, till 1am. Put the alarm on for 3am. As you can't get back to sleep get up at 2am and make a drink. Go to bed at 2.45am. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off. Sing songs in the dark until 4am. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

5) Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a fish finger behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds then rub them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

6) Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems: first buy an octopus and a string bag. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this - all morning.

7) Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a pot of paint turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet tube. Using only scotch tape and a piece of foil, turn it into a Christmas cracker. Last, take a milk container, a ping pong ball, and an empty packet of Coco Pops and make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Congratulations. You have just qualified for a place on the playgroup committee.

8) Forget the hatchback and buy a big Volvo estate. And don't think you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream bar and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a quarter. Stick it in the cassette player. Take a family-size packet of chocolate cookies. Mash them down the back seats. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There. Perfect.

9) Get ready to go out. Wait outside the toilet for half an hour. Go out the front door. Come in again. Go out. Come back in. Go out again. Walk down the front path. Walk back up it. Walk down it again. Walk very slowly down the road for 5 minutes. Stop to inspect minutely every cigarette end, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way. Retrace your steps. Scream that you've had as much as you can stand, until the neighbors come out and stare at you. Give up and go back into the house. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk. Always repeat everything you say at least five times.

10) Go to your local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goats eat or destroy. Until you can easily accomplish this do not even contemplate having children.

11) Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a bowl of soggy Weetabix and attempt to spoon it into the swaying melon by pretending to be an aeroplane. Continue until half the Weetabix is gone. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor. You are now ready to feed a 12-month old baby.

12) Learn the names of every character from Postman Pat, Fireman Sam and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. When you find yourself singing "Postman Pat" at work, you finally qualify as a parent.

And remember: Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children and be nice to your kids, they'll be the ones picking your retirement home!

I probably could have done with this advice before we decided to have Francis, because even now I'm clearly not ready to have children!

Lisa xxx

It's A(nother) Boy!

2008-02-29T21:37:00.000Z

Congratulations to our friends Donna and Michael on the birth of their baby boy! Baby Michael David was born on Wednesday and weighed 8lb 6oz.

Enjoy the sleep deprivation guys ;o)

Lisa, Graeme & Francis xxx

Goodbye Jet

2008-02-27T16:29:00.000Z

It has been barely six months since my Mam lost Sweep and sadly another of her cats passed away today. Jet had been ill for some time and, although nothing was formally diagnosed as my Mam didn't want to put him through the stress of tests, we suspect he had cancer. It was awful watching him deteriorate and, in a way, I'm glad he's at peace now.

Lisa xxx

Just Typical

2008-02-17T15:00:00.000Z

On Tuesday Francis had his latest check up with the paediatrician at the hospital. As he was premature, he needs regular check ups to ensure he is developing well. I've never had any concerns about Francis's development and personally feel the check up was a bit of a waste of time, but if the hospital want me to jump through hoops then that's what I'll do!

I got the bus to the hospital and took Francis there in his sling to make life easier. I've not used the sling for months because Francis kept puking on me while he was in it, so it was a bit of a shock to the system carrying a rather heavy baby all the way from Anfield to Toxteth!

Graeme met me in the waiting room and we were surprised to be seen straight away. As usual, Francis was weighed and measured by the nurse and then we waited to see the paed. The paed was very pleased with Francis's weight gain as he is now above the 25th centile. In previous visits Francis has been subjected to a physical examination, but this time the paed just asked Graeme and I a series of questions about Francis's development. Based on what we told him, the paed was very pleased with Francis's progress and said that he sounds like a "typical 11-month-old" even though his corrected age is only 9 months! I was hoping that Francis would be discharged because of this, but the paed wants to see him once more in 6 months time. After that we can finally kiss goodbye to Liverpool Women's Hospital - I'm sick of the sight of the place!

Lisa xxx

A Tale of Two Tobies

2008-02-03T19:26:00.000Z

Congratulations to Graeme's cousin Malcolm and partner Lou on the birth of their first baby. Little Toby arrived yesterday evening and was almost 2 weeks overdue!

Belated congratulations also to family friends Ann and Mark whose baby boy, also called Toby, put in an early appearance last week. Toby is still in Special Care but hopefully will be home with his mummy and daddy very soon.

Well done everyone!

We're just waiting for our friend Donna to have her baby now. If it's another Toby things will get very confusing...

Lisa xxx

Back in the Running

2008-01-28T15:33:00.000Z

I've decided it's high time I dusted off my running shoes and got my fitness levels up to scratch. I've not done any real exercise since the Hydroactive Women's Challenge 2006 when I was 5 weeks pregnant. Pregnancy more or less destroyed my energy levels and since Francis was born I haven't really had the time to devote to exercise. Now Francis is only breastfeeding on waking and before bed I don't have to worry about leaving his side so may be able to squeeze some exercise in at weekends. Anyone up for a jog around Sefton Park? Rob?

As when I first started exercising I have decided I need an incentive to get me going so have entered this years Race for Life. I did my first Race for Life in 2005 in under 30 minutes and would like to repeat that performance. Actually I'd love to beat my 5k personal best of 27m 52s but maybe that's pushing my luck a bit!

I've set up a webpage so that people can sponsor me easily (hint hint...) and hope to raise as much money as possible as it will probably be the only run I do this year. Please dig deep and help me reach my target!

http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/lissythornton

Thank you!

Lisa xxx

The Tooth Comes Out

2008-01-23T22:07:00.000Z

On Tuesday I went for the first leg of my marathon run of dental treatment. I had a consultation several weeks ago when I was told in no uncertain terms that my bottom wisdom teeth had to come out. Having decided on a local anasthetic for reasons I will never understand, I went back to the Dental Hospital to have the first tooth removed.

I arrived in good time for my appointment and was surprised to go in slightly early. After making myself comfortable in the chair, I agreed with the dentist that they would remove my lower right wisdom tooth first, the lower left to be removed in four weeks time. After having the proceedure explained to me and going through my medical history for the umpteenth time, I lay back in the chair and braced myself for an unpleasant experience.

I was handed over to a student who administered the anasthetic using an alarmingly large needle. Once satisfied that my mouth was numb, the dentist and student moved in to do their stuff. I'm not entirely sure who did what to start with as, when I saw the student moving towards my mouth with a large scalpel, I promptly shut my eyes and kept them tightly closed for the next 10 minutes or so!

Cutting over, the drilling began. This is by far my least favourite part about visiting the dentist. Having said that, I didn't find it too unpleasant to start with. It wasn't until the dentist said she needed to remove the crown from the tooth that I started to feel a little stressed. I convinced myself that the anasthetic would wear off and that I'd soon be screaming in pain and I became very tense, even crossing my fingers underneath the paper shroud they had draped over me. Thankfully my fears were unfounded and the crown was removed without incident but with a very loud crunching sound.

After what felt like an eternity it was finally time to remove the roots, one at a time. Although I couldn't feel any pain, I could feel the root grinding around in my jaw and I found this rather disquieting. I was relieved when I heard them clank into the tray behind me as it meant my ordeal was almost over. The student finished the job with a couple of stitches and I was given a piece of gauze to chomp down on to stop the bleeding while he explained the post-op care to me. With that, I was on my way, my face still numb and feeling like it had been wolloped with a frying pan.

Graeme picked me up and we went to ASDA for our shopping. About halfway through our shop the anasthetic started to wear off and by the time we got home I was in quite a bit of pain so I took some paracetamol. I was pretty miserable at the thought that this pain would last for any length of time, but within an hour or so the pain had given way to a dull throbbing ache. This was also when my face started to swell up. I had a definite lump appearing on my jaw before I went to bed.

By the time I got up this morning I didn't need to look in the mirror to know that the swelling had grown; my face felt bigger and strangely heavy. A quick look in the mirror revealed that my face was now swollen from my cheekbone to the top of my neck and the swelling seems to have got worse throughout the day. Thankfully, although tender, I'm not in any real pain and even managed to eat a jacket potato for my tea. I'm guessing that the worst is over and things will only improve over the next few days.

In the end, having a wisdom tooth out was nowhere near as bad as I expected. It was certainly an unpleasant experience, but I wouldn't describe it as horrible or frightening (though I do wish the dentist hadn't divulged that she was going to drill my crown off; there are some things you really don't need to know). By far the worst part was having to keep my mouth open unnaturally wide for the best part of half an hour. Now I just have to prepare myself to go through it all over again in four weeks time. Yay.

Lisa xxx

Friday Night Report

2008-01-19T00:40:00.000Z

The main headline tonight is that my hands feel like I've spent the week madly rubbing a cheese grater. I'm fairly sure I'll end up in A&E at somepoint when they go septic. I must remember to get some good working gloves next time, rather than ripping out wood and brick with my bear hands, manly as that may be.

Anyway, to business. Over the past 3 days, I've plastered up all the holes in the room, and put down most of the new flooring. At least one day of that was lost to time wasting and unexpected B&Q runs. Oh yes, and a swift coffee round Kieran's place took a couple of hours as well... nose to the grindstone and all that.

So I now have one day left to finish the flooring and stick the architrave and skirting on. It might happen, but at least if it doesn't, it should be mostly done. So here's hoping tomorrow is a productive day! On a side note, thursdays high point was the sausage, mushroom and egg toastie I made myself. Yum!

Tuesday Progress Report

2008-01-15T22:30:00.000Z

I'm 2 days into my week long intensive DIY session in the dining room, and so far things are going well. I'm a little behind where I expected to be, but this is just because my expectations of progress were a bit stupid in the first place.

Yesterday, I spent the day stripping out the room, removing all the stuff I didn't like the look of. This involved the flooring, the skirting board, and the minging fireplace which we hated. Our back yard is now choc-a-bloc with bags of rubble and piles of wood.

I punctuated all my hard work that day by going out in the evening for a 3k run over to the powerleague 5-a-side pitches in Everton for the weekly kickabout with some guys from work, and then a nice walk back afterwards. Feeling refreshed (ha), I then spent half an hour mixing cement to fill in the old hearth. Given that I've never made cement before, I woefully underestimated how far cement actually goes, and ended up making enough to fill one small corner. I did manage another batch before bed which mostly filled it, but by that time I was bored, and called it a day.

Tuesday started with making another batch of cement to finish the previous nights work, followed by ripping out all the crap wiring around where the old burglar alarm used to be, and replacing it with a nice modern junction box, and probably half the amount of wire. The next job was to drain the central heating system, disconnect the big double radiator in the living room, and plumb that into position in the dining room. Then, I fitted the new single radiator I bought in the living room. Fortunately, when I turned the water back on, I only had one leak in the dining room, which turned out to by one connection which I'd forgotten to tighten. God bless compression fittings! If I'd done that with a soldered joint, I may well have lost the will to live...

So it's been a reasonably productive day. I've just rounded it off with a trip to Anfield to see the 5-0 drubbing of Luton in the FA cup. Tomorrow I'll be going out in the morning to buy some flooring, so I can leave it to settle in before I fit it. Then, I'll be starting to plaster up the holes in the wall. There's a bit more of this to do than I expected, given that removing door frames and the like tends to bring half the wall with it. Never mind though, it'll all be sorted by this time tomorrow I hope!

On a side note, I decided to cancel the estate agent valuation I'd arranged for tomorrow as I didn't think the house would be in a reasonable state by then. Outside of the dining room, which is actually quite tidy, the rest of the house is a dump. Stuff is piled up everywhere out of the way, and there's just nowhere for me to move it to make it look tidier. We've now got an extra week to get the place respectable before they come to value it for us!

Doing It Myself

2008-01-13T16:24:00.000Z

In a continued effort to get our house ready for sale, we've decided that the time has come to pick up the hammer and paintbrush again, and sort out the dining room, stairs and upstairs hallway.

To make this as quick and painless as possible, I've packed Lisa and Francis off to South Shields, and the cats are on holiday at my brothers house in Salford. I've got one week off work, and a quiet house in which to work my magic.

Given that my previous average time for decorating a room was more like 6 months, 1 week is quite ambitious, but I think I can get most of the dirty noisy stuff done this week, just leaving the painting and decorating for when Lisa comes back next weekend.

I'll be posting up some work-in-progress pictures as I go along, mostly just so that Lisa can see them, and make sure I'm not just destroying the house in her absense.

Check out the photos here:
Dining Room DIY

Christmas with a Difference

2008-01-07T19:57:00.000Z

On Saturday we returned from a 2-week stint in South Shields where we stayed with Graeme's parents for the Christmas and New Year celebrations. It was certainly different this year, not least because it was our first with Francis.

It was the first Christmas we'd stayed with Graeme's parents. In previous years we have always stayed with my folks as they had ample room in their 6-bedroom house. Sadly, my parents went their separate ways in 2007 and neither really has the space to put us all up. While it was nice to see my parents getting on reasonably well over the festive season, I did find things a bit emotionally stressful and hope the dust will have well and truly settled by next Christmas.

It was also the first time in a few years that Paul and Becky did not spend Christmas with us. They were in cornwall staying with Becky's sister Helen and baby Isabella. Paul and Becky were a big miss on Christmas Day and, although they came to visit the following weekend, it wasn't quite the same. It's a shame everyone lives so far apart, as I'm a big beleiver that family should be together at Christmas.

I'm not entirely sure what I was expecting from Christmas Day, but I was certainly not expecting Francis to start cutting two teeth! I'd had visions of this lovely, exciting, serene day, with Francis playing with lots of new toys. What I got was Francis being a complete grump and crying at alrmingly regular intervals. I know it wasn't Francis's fault, but after the umpteenth time of Francis crying after being given a new present, I couldn't help but feel stressed and demoralised; I was convinced he didn't like anything we'd bought him. Once his teeth had cut through a few days later, Francis was finally able to enjoy his presents.

Other than the teething, the day went pretty smoothly. After Francis had opened his presents, Graeme and I took Francis to my Mam's flat for a few hours to see my family. I only see my brother David at Christmas so I always make sure I spend some time with him. Afterwards, it was time to head to Graeme's parents for lunch. Francis had more or less what we had, minus the gravy. It was great watching him shovelling vegetables and yorkshire pudding into his mouth; little did I realise at the time that Francis's interest in solid food was really going to take off, big time!

As we do every year, in the evening we went to Auntie Val's for tea. Val and Allan never fail to put on a fantastic spread of food and always seem to have whichever alcoholic beverage you ask for. They moved house recently, so that was something else different about Christmas and another reminder about how desperately I want to move out of Anfield. Francis was really able to join in with the tea, munching his way through breadsticks and cucumber; I even gave him a mini chocolate eclair as a treat (which he devoured pretty quickly!). We'd usually stay at Val and Allan's until about 11, but having Francis meant we had to say our goodbyes early so we could get Francis to bed before he got narky.

As we were back for two weeks we had the chance to meet up with some friends who we'd not seen in years. Richard and Rachel had recently moved back to South Shields and I was thrilled to be able to see them again. We met them, along with another friend (who we'd not seen for 10 years!) Emma, for lunch and did some serious catching up. A few days later we visited Richard and Rachel at their new house, which I fell completely in love with (mainly because of the number of storage cupboards... how sad am I?) and which made me even more desperate to get on with our own house move. Watch this space.

New Years Eve was a quiet affair. Neither Graeme or I are big fans of December 31st and prefer to spend the evening in front of the telly, going to bed pretty much as soon as thr clock has struck 12. The end of 2007 was not much different. We had the house to ourselves as Graeme's parents had gone out so we elected to watch a DVD and glug on a few bottles of Smirnoff Ice (I swear that stuff is just lemonade). Unfortunately, thanks to Francis's new teeth, we'd had very little sleep the previous night and Graeme fell asleep about 10 minutes into the Jimmy Carr DVD he'd got me for Christmas. We were in bed well before the turn of the year and wished each other "Happy New Year" when we could hear all the fireworks exploding outside.

On our last night in South Shields Graeme and I thought we'd take advantage of having family around to finally have a night out together. I'd ummed and ahhed about doing this for a while as I really didn't like the idea of leaving Francis. However, after talking to my Mam, I realised I was being silly; Francis would be in bed so wouldn't even know we were gone. So, on Friday night, I put Francis to bed, and, once we were sure he was settled, left him in the capable hands of Graeme's Mam Sandra and went out for a meal. The culinary choice is a bit restricted in South Shields, but if you love curry, you're in for a treat. We went to our favourite Indian restaurant, Cafe India, where the service is always fantastic, and spent a very reasonable £22. It's just a shame we didn't go midweek for their special offer menu because it would have only been about £6 a head! Afterwards we went elsewhere for a drink, which turned out to be a very quick drink once we realised that it was karaoke night... We got back after 2 hours to be told that Francis hadn't even stirred. Even so, I'm not sure I'm ready for the full babysitting experience yet.

We headed back to Liverpool the following day, with the intention of havinf Paul and Becky over for tea, but Becky was ill and Graeme and I were too tired, so we cancelled. Hopefully we can do that soon though. Saturday evening was spent watching telly and eating chips as there was a serious lack of food in the house. This meant that Sunday involved a stressful trip to ASDA to spend a ridiculous amout of money replenishing the cupboards.

So that's it for another year. Next year will be different again as we'll be in a new house and maybe Francis will be at a stage where he will actualy want to open presents. At least he'll have all his teeth by then so we won't get any nasty surprises!

Lisa xxx

The 8 Month Check

2007-12-21T17:20:00.000Z

Yesterday Graeme and I took Francis to the Health Visitor for his 8 month check up. He may be nine months old now, but his corrected age is only seven months and I was a bit worried that perhaps the HV would expect too much of him.

However, the HV was very pleased with Francis's progress and could barely believe that he was a premature baby. He has reached most of the 8 month milestones and I don't think it will be long before we can tick them all off the list. His weight is now 16lb 13oz and is in perfect proportion to his length, so at least I know I'm not overfeeding him!

It seems my worries were for nothing. Francis is doing everything he should be and the HV said that Francis is better developmentally than many of the full-term babies she sees!

Lisa xxx

Jumperoond!

2007-12-08T19:27:00.000Z

After seeing a video of a friend's baby having a whale of a time in a Rainforest Jumperoo, I really wanted to get one for Francis. I was horrified at the £80 pricetag, so decided to have a look on eBay to see if I could get a secondhand one for a reasonable price. After seeing that the Rainforest Jumperoos still go for up to £50 secondhand in the auctions, I gave up on the idea. Then I saw that the slightly older model Jumperoos were much cheaper and I snapped one up for £25.

After some initial communication problems with the seller, due to both of us losing our internet connections last weekend, I was finally able to collect the Jumperoo this morning. Francis was a bit apprehensive at first, but soon got the hang of bouncing about in his new toy as you can see in this video. Now I'm just faced with the problem of where I'm going to keep it... It's much bigger than it looked in the eBay photo!

Lisa xxx

Words of Wisdom (Teeth)

2007-12-05T15:38:00.000Z

A couple of months ago I managed to crack a tooth (eating a slice of bread, of all things...) and needed emergency dental treatment. The broken pieces of tooth were removed and I had a temporary filling put in place. The dentist then warned me that the tooth really did need sorting out within the next couple of months.

Thanks to our friend Julie, who works at Liverpool Dental School, I was able to get an appointment with a 5th year student to finally have my tooth looked at. Before addressing the issue of the dodgy tooth, the student did a full check of my teeth and gums and it seems that some of my teeth are in a pretty sorry state. I was appalled to discover that several of them have decay. The student also expressed concern about my wisdom teeth which have grown in perpendicular to my other teeth meaning they are nigh on impossible to keep clean so are also starting to decay; this could have dire consequences for the adjacent teeth. Because of the weird angle of my wisdom teeth, fillings are out of the question so the teeth may need to be removed. After having x-rays to check the extent of the decay and to get a closer look at the wisdom teeth, it was decided that I need further appointments to have fillings in the decaying teeth and that I should be referred to the Oral Surgeons regarding my wisdom teeth. Oh joy of joys.

So, I've gone from needing a filling replaced to the possibility of extraction under a general anasthetic - this was certainly more than I bargained for when I arranged the appointment!

Lisa xxx

Poorly Pet

2007-11-22T20:28:00.000Z

Graeme took Max to the vets on Wednesday because the poor thing has been peeing blood for a couple of days. He started having trouble going to the loo a couple of weeks ago, but it seemed to clear up last week. At the weekend though, his trouble came back with a vengeance and with the addition of blood in his wee. This isn't the first time Max has had this problem. Last time the vet said it was caused by the stress of a scary cat coming into our yard, but it cleared up with a course of tablets. There is no denying that Max is stressed out at the moment; the slightest thing is making him jump and he seems to be permanently on high alert. We have had some cats coming into our yard again, which made Max really unsettled and the arrival of Francis has certainly had an effect on him.

The Vet said that stress may have been the trigger, but there could be any number of underlying causes. Worryingly, as there is blood in the wee and as Max is constatly trying to empty his bladder, this could be the sign of something more serious than a spot of cystitis. This time, a more intensive course of treatment is needed. Max has had an antibiotic injection and today started a course of antibiotic tablets. Once the tablets are finished we have to get a wee sample from him (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Clearly this vet has never owned a cat...) and if tests show that it contains crystals he'll need another course of tablets and possibly a special diet! Hopefully it won't come to that and the current tablets will sort him out. Though, after the performance I had trying to get one down him this morning I suspect he may need further treatment.

Lisa xxx

Mole Malady

2007-11-15T21:04:00.000Z

Today I went to the doctor to have a couple of moles on my back looked at. A few weeks ago Graeme told me he thought they looked different and, as I've watched a few medical programmes recently about the dangers of dodgy moles, I booked an appointment with my GP.

Thankfully, after taking a closer look at the moles in question, the doctor didn't feel that they were anything to worry about. However, I've been referred to Broadgreen Hospital where the doctor says, as a precaution, they will probably want to remove the moles. Something to look forward to then. I've had moles removed before and it wasn't pleasant (it involved a great deal of local anasthetic and the smell of burning flesh), but I'm more than happy to endure a bit of discomfort to remove something that has the potential to turn cancerous in the future. I'd love them to remove all of my moles, but I don't think there'd be much of me left afterwards!

Lisa xxx

Tooth Number Two!

2007-11-14T22:17:00.000Z

Francis has cut his second tooth already! I wasn't expecting it so soon after cutting his first one. He's not bothered by them at all - no more tears than usual and still sleeping through the night. I hope he's like this when the the rest of his teeth make their appearance!

Lisa xxx

Francis Takes a Seat

2007-11-13T19:51:00.000Z

Yesterday Francis sat unsupported for the first time! He can stay sitting for ages too which really surprised me, considering he's never sat on his own before.

Here is the evidence!

Lisa xxx

Tickled Pink

2007-11-11T15:44:00.000Z

I suppose it had to happen sooner or later. For the first time ever I've accidentally dyed a load of washing. Unfortunately, it was Francis's things. Even more unfortunately, I dyed everything pink. The culprit was a beach towel we've had for years which I'd assumed wouldn't run. It's a shame the towel wasn't blue because this wouldn't have resulted in unwearable clothes!

I'm now desperately hoping the colour run remover does the trick, but the clothes still looked extremely pink when I last checked...

Lisa xxx

Things That Go Waaaaaaahhhh in the Night

2007-11-11T00:38:00.000Z

Francis has really got the hang of rolling and can now circumnavigate the living room with surprising speed. I can't take my eyes off him for a second or he'll be chewing on my slippers or rolling dangerously close to the fireplace. Although this keeps me on my toes, it isn't really a problem. However, on Friday night we had our first bad night in months and it was all down to Francis's new skill.

Before I went to bed I popped in his room to check on him as the previous two mornings we'd found him lying in his front. As expected, he was lying on his front, but he was squashed up against the bars of the cot with his face pressed into the mattress. How he was managing to breathe I have no idea. I wasn't happy leaving him like this so I rolled him onto his back, but he was having none of it and rolled straight back again. Sensing I was fighting a losing battle, I left him on his front, but moved him to the middle of the cot and made sure his head was turned to the side.

I wasn't happy leaving him on his front and it took me ages to fall asleep as I lay in bed listening to his breathing over the monitor. The next thing I knew I was woken by Francis sounding a bit upset. I checked the clock - it was 3:45am. I knew Francis wouldn't be hungry and from the sound he was making I gathered he had probably rolled again and was uncomfortable.

I went into his room and as I'd suspected he was squashed up against the side of the cot again. I popped him back in the middle and thus began a 1 1/2 hour battle to get him back to sleep. He started crying so I gave him his dummy. He didn't want it and cried even more. So I picked him up which did calm him down, but he just screamed again whenever I put him down. So I started pacing the room with him and managed to get him off to sleep a couple of times, but for some reason he wouldn't stay settled. As I knew he was definitely teething I tried some teething gel, which stopped him crying for all of five minutes before he was off again. This time, even picking him up didn't work and I had no idea how to calm him down as he was screaming and flailing about in my arms.

I was at a complete loss and starting to feel quite upset myself - I'd been with Francis for about an hour. Luckily Graeme appeared at this point and took over. We decided to try Francis with some paracetamol just in case he was having some teething pain - it would be so much easier if Francis could just tell us what was wrong! By now I was shattered so, after I'd given Francis his paracetamol, I went to bed and left Graeme to try to settle him. Much to my relief (and annoyance) Graeme was able to get Francis off to sleep within 10 minutes or so; it was now about 5:30am. Thankfully, Francis stayed asleep. Well, until his 7am feed anyway.

The following day I felt the effects of my disturbed night. I was shattered and by early evening was struggling so had a nap. Francis also seemed a bit worse for wear. We went Christmas shopping and Francis slept the whole time we were out, which he has never done before. I really hope his unsettled night was a one-off and that I'm not in for a long stretch of sleep deprivation - I barely managed to get though the last one with my sanity intact!

Lisa xxx

Teeth!

2007-11-10T22:20:00.000Z

On Thursday at Stay & Play there was a lady there to give a chat about dental health. In all honesty, most of what she had to say was just common sense, but she claimed that a lot of mums don't have the sense not to give their babies sugary drinks in their bottles. I got the feeling she was dying to tell me that something I was doing wasn't good for Francis's teeth, but I only brought her disappointment because it seems I'm already doing all the right things. At least I've got the hang of one part of motherhood...

The best part of the chat was the freebies! Francis got a free toothbrush and toothpaste and, as Francis didn't have any teeth, I was advised to let him play with the toothbrush to get him used to it. So, when we got home I sat Francis in his Bumbo and let him have a good chew on the toothbrush which then got thrown on the floor numerous times and generally dribbled on and abused.

The next day I did my usual check of Francis's gums. He's been showing signs of teething for months now so I like to check regularly to see if anything has emerged. Much to my surprise I could feel something sharp poking through his bottom gum! To be sure I wasn't imagining it, I tapped his gums with a teaspoon and, sure enough, there was the "chink chink" of a little tootipeg! Trust Francis to cut his first tooth the day after he renders a free toothbrush unusable.

Today while out shopping we picked him up a new, not free toothbrush and before his bath I brushed his teeth for the first time. He was as good as gold and actually seemed to really enjoy the new experience. Hopefully the novelty won't wear off for him and bath times will continue to be a fun time for both of us.

Lisa xxx

The Arrival of Francis James - Part 3 - Emotional Early Days

2007-11-09T15:10:00.000Z

The story concludes...

Wednesday 7th March 2007

It was from Wednesday onwards that things became really hard for me. I didn't feel at all like I'd had a baby. It all felt very unreal to me. I don't know when I first cried, but once the tears came, it was difficult to stop. I felt like I'd had my pregnancy stolen from me. Reaching down and touching my soft belly where my lovely bump had been less than a day before was devastating. I loved being pregnant and suddenly I wasn't, yet I hadn't been through labour; my head couldn't get round that. I was also in a lot of pain from the surgery and the catheter and wound drain weren't doing much for my comfort or self esteem.

In the morning a doctor came to see me to debrief me on what had happened the previous day. I was told I had HELLP Syndrome, which I could vaguely remember reading about in one of my pregnancy books, but couldn't remember what it was. The only cure for HELLP is delivery of the baby which is why they had to act so quickly. Graeme researched HELLP when he got home that night and was horrified by what he read - my liver could have ruptured or I could have had a fit and gone into a coma. We had the shocking realisation that I could have died had it not been caught in time. I was left feeling eternally grateful to Fran whose intuition at my check-up had probably saved my life.

I first went to see Francis on Wednesday afternoon and had to be pushed there in a wheelchair. Seeing him in his incubator covered in tubes I was shocked at how tiny and fragile he looked. I waited for that rush of motherly love to come. It didn't. I felt nothing at all. I couldn't accept that he was my baby. I cried my eyes out I felt so bad. I couldn't even bring myself to say his name. For days I referred to him as "the baby" and felt very uncomfortable when Graeme called him Francis. He just didn't feel like mine at all. I didn't even want to hold him and it took some very patient persuading from Graeme before I could bring myself to do so.

On Wednesday night, either through coming off the morphine or through lack of sleep, I was hallucinating badly to the point where I couldn't distinguish between fantasy and reality. I was 100% convinced I'd not had a baby and that I was dreaming. I had the most horrendous panic attack and even once I'd calmed down I was still certain that it was all a dream and that I'd not really had a baby. I honestly thought I'd lost the plot and became increasingly frightened. I didn't dare tell the midwife how I was feeling - I was terrified she'd get a psychiatrist to come and see me. I didn't sleep a wink that night.

Thursday 8th March 2007

In the small hours of Thursday morning I was offered the chance of a shower. My shower was only marginally more dignified than my surgery. The only way I could shower with ease was to sling my catheter bag and drain over my shoulder. I was also in too much pain to dry and dress myself properly so a Healthcare Assistant had to help me. I wanted to go to the SCBU to see Francis again so that I could prove to myself that he was real and that I wasn't just having a horrendous nightmare. Shortly before I went there, a nurse came to my room and told me they'd put Francis on a ventilator. I barely reacted and told them not to ring Graeme, which is not characteristic of me at all. When I went through to see Francis he looked so poorly I burst into tears and the nurse persuaded me to let her ring Graeme - he was there within 20 minutes. I was so relieved to see him, as he was the only thing I was certain was real.

Later that day I was given the all clear to go back to the ward. I had my catheter and drain removed (which hurt quite a bit) and felt a bit more comfortable and human. To my horror, I was put on the postnantal ward with all the mums and babies. As much as I tried to make the best of it, I just couldn't, though I did manage to put on a brave face for my visitors. I was also upset to learn that I'd been put on Amlodipine, a BP medication which was incompatible with breastfeeding. I just couldn't understand this lunacy, as I'd told everybody of my intention to breastfeed, but I didn't have the energy to argue.

I had arranged to meet Graeme in the SCBU that night and by the time I got there I'd broken down and was screaming that I couldn't go back to the ward. I was so hysterical Graeme had to get a midwife to help calm me down. During our visit to Francis a nurse showed me how to hand-express milk and where to store it. I told her what the midwife had said about my medication and the nurse promised she would look into it for me. Afterwards I went back to the ward and tried again to cope being surrounded by babies. It was unbearable. I felt like I was being tortured every time one of the babies cried. I was constantly in tears and on the verge of panic. I was particularly upset by one mum who kept telling her one-day-old to shut up and calling her a divvy - it broke my heart. Why did this cretin, who probably shouldn't have been allowed to breed, be with her child while my baby was in intensive care?

At 1am I left the ward and went to the SCBU and told the nurse that I'd stay there all night if I had to, but I was not going back to the ward. I even threatened to discharge myself. The nurse snuck off at this point and rang my ward who arranged for me to be moved. When I was told, I broke down again, but this time with relief.

Friday 9th March 2007

I spent much of Friday on the ward hidden behind the curtains crying my eyes out. A lot of the time I wasn't even sure why I was crying. Other times I was crying for my lost pregnancy, not being able to go through labour, but most of all my lack of bond with the baby. This is probably the lowest I have ever felt.

I was also seen by a member of the Infant Feeding Team. I was not the only new mum who had been prescribed Amlodipine despite wanting to breastfeed. I was told that I would be switched to Nifedipine, but as the Amlodipine takes 48 hours to leave the system, I would have to discard my milk until then. I cannot begin to describe how heartbreaking it is going through the effort of hand-expressing milk for your premature baby, only to have to throw it down the sink. I still get angry about this now.

Saturday 10th March 2007

Saturday came and Paul and Becky visited in the evening. I was in the nursery with Francis waiting for Graeme to show them in. I was staring at this baby who I knew was mine, but he didn't feel like mine. I was feeling very low and started crying again. I asked Graeme to get me out of there (I was still using a wheelchair), by which point I was sobbing so uncontrollably I could barely speak. I remember crying out between sobs "He doesn't feel like mine!" and glancing up seeing the puzzled and concerned faces of Paul and Becky further along the corridor. I was taken somewhere quiet for a chat with a nurse and told her exactly how I felt about my stolen pregnancy, the "procedure" I had instead of a birth, my lack of bond, this not being the start I wanted for my new family... It felt good to get it all out and from this point on things did start to get a bit better for me.

Sunday 11th March

My blood results came back showing that my platelet count was back in the normal range. At last I was on the mend and would be discharged the following day. Although happy at the thought of sleeping in my own bed, my happiness was tinged with sadness at having to leave Francis behind. This was clearly going to be the start of a very difficult and heartbreaking few weeks; nobody should have to go home without their baby and I certainly hope I never have to do anything like that ever again.

Epilogue

I shall leave it there, as the rest of the saga has already been documented on the website in previous posts. However, things were far more difficult for me than I let on. The expressing milk 6 times a day was exhausting and if it wasn't for Graeme I may well have given up and resorted to formula. It was Graeme who dragged me out of bed those first few nights making sure that I used the pump; I am so grateful to him for pushing me as, 8 months on, I am still breastfeeding Francis and loving every second of it. Graeme went back to work the week after I was discharged so I had to make my own way to the hospital by public transport, which is hard work when you're recovering from major abdominal surgery. Even once Francis was home I still struggled emotionally. I found bonding with him incredibly difficult and I am certain this is down to the way he arrived.

As for having more children, I am really not sure what the future holds. Before Francis was born I wanted a large family, but since learning that I am at increased risk of developing HELLP Syndrome in future pregnancies I am very apprehensive about having another child. Thanks to the internet, I have spoken to other victims of HELLP and was delighted to discover that many of them go on to have healthy pregnancies and normal births the second time round. I would love my next pregnancy to go without a hitch and have a normal birth, but if I get HELLP again, that will be it - no more babies for me. I couldn't face going through that a third time. I can barely face the thought that it might happen next time, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. For the moment, I'm just going to enjoy my little boy and try, once and for all, to put my experience of HELLP behind me and move on.

Lisa xxx

The Arrival of Francis James - Part Two - Francis Makes An Early Appearance

2007-11-07T11:48:00.000Z

The story continues...

Monday 5th March 2007

Mr Williams came to see me quite early in the day with an entourage of other doctors and students. He did another ultrasound taking some detailed measurements of the baby. This took quite a while and when he'd finished he happily declared that the baby was not small after all and Graeme and I both breathed a sigh of relief. We were told that, because of the change in my condition, there was no way that I'd make it to 34 weeks but they would keep me on the medication and try to get an extra week out of the pregnancy. The emphasis was on the word "try" - there was every possiblilty that things could change and the baby would arrive even sooner.

In preparation for us having a premature baby, Graeme and I were given a tour of the Special Care Baby Unit. It was very surreal knowing that our baby would soon be a patient there and I was heartbroken that I wouldn't be able to bring him home. However, it did help seeing that the baby would get fantastic care and I got a great deal of comfort seeing extremely prem babies, some born as early as 24 weeks gestation, absolutely thriving.

Later that day I had some stomach pains, but nothing like I'd experienced on the Saturday. I paced the room trying to ease the pain, but nothing worked. I was given some Lactulose as the midwife suspected it may be wind, but the lactulose just gave me abdominal pains and I ended up having painkillers!

Tuesday 6th March 2007

On Tuesday morning the anaesthetist came to see me. My blood results had come back showing that my platelet count had dropped to dangerous levels overnight (I later read in my notes that my platelets had dropped to 65 when they should have been at least 480). I had repeat bloods done to check that this wasn't a mistake and if the results came back again showing a low count, I would be rushed to theatre for an emergency c-section. The anaesthetist went through all of my options with me just in case delivery was needed. I was very calm at this point and decided I'd like a spinal anasthetic so I'd be awake when the baby came. I really didn't believe that they'd need to deliver the baby so soon.

At around 11:30am my room was suddenly awash with medical staff - doctors, midwives, a consultant, students... you name it, they were there! It was bad news - my count had dropped yet again and I was told in no uncertain terms that the baby had to be delivered immediately. I felt a strange mixture of fear about what was going to happen and excitement at the thought of meeting my little boy. Over the next 20 minutes I was consented, had cannulas inserted and was given a quick whizz through what the proceedure involved. I signed the consent form in a bit of a haze. I didn't even bother reading it - it's not like I had any choice.

I was then whisked away to the theatre, Graeme following anxiously behind me. Graeme doesn't get stressed out about things that often, but I could see the strain showing in his face even though he was trying his best to be strong for me. Graeme wasn't allowed in to the theatre while I was being prepped and had to wait in a room at the other end of the corridor, so I was wheeled into theatre alone. I was terrified.

I was surprised how bright the theatre was - not at all what I'd been expecting, but then maybe I just watch too many hospital dramas. I was transferred onto the operating table and a Theatre Assistant called James introduced himself. I immediately felt a bit more relaxed as James told me that it was his job explain everything that was happening to me. And true to his word he did exactly that. He talked me through every step of the process. I was sat up on the table while the anaesthetist prodded around my back looking for a good place for the spinal. I didn't even feel it go in. I was then laid down and my legs started to go warm until eventually I couldn't feel or move them at all; I actually found this quite funny at the time. I was hooked up to a couple of drips and catheterised, which, it must be said, was possibly the least dignifying experience I've ever had. The lower half of my body was then shielded from view and the surgeons moved in. All the while, James was explaining every step to me, which I found extremely reassuring.

Then Graeme appeared, looking rather pale and anxious, dressed head-to-toe in theatre garb. He sat to my right and held my hand tightly throughout the whole proceedure. I could feel the surgeons doing their stuff, but it didn't hurt; it just felt like they were rummaging about in my insides, which to be fair is exactly what they were doing. I was then told that they were going to press on my tummy to simulate contractions to get the baby out. This was very uncomfortable - I felt like a tube of toothpaste being squeezed down the middle, but with a pneumatic drill. Then at 12:18pm, weighing only 3lb 3oz, our little boy made his early entrance into the world.

I'd prepared myself for the baby to need resuscitation so was shocked when I heard very loud and very strong crying. It was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard and I burst into tears; so did Graeme. The baby was checked over (I later found out both his Apgar scores were 9) and wrapped up in blankets. The nurse brought him over for a quick kiss before he was rushed off to the SCBU; I didn't see him again until the following afternoon.

At this point I start to feel very lightheaded and felt like I would pass out. I was quite frightened, but James explained that this was normal and due to a drop in BP. This carried on for some time and I was really struggling to stay awake so was put on 100% oxygen. I then started to feel very sick, which was terrifying considering I was lying on my back and couldn't move. They put a bowl next to my head and sure enough I vomited my guts up several times, managing to get it in my hair. Vomiting over, I started to feel cold and began shaking uncontrollably, which progressed into small convulsions. Graeme was convinced I was having a fit, but the anaesthetist assured Graeme that this was a normal reaction to the anasthetic. I felt bloody awful and the lack of control over my body was quite frightening. I can remember feeling terrified that I would lose consciousness and never wake up again. This was not what I had in mind for my first experience of giving birth.

Ordeal over, I was moved to recovery while Graeme went back to my room to wait for me. In recovery I was surprised to see Jane in the next bay - I very nearly had stolen her theatre slot! My convulsing continued for quite a while and I was kept on oxygen while I struggled to stay awake. It was a very unnerving experience having to make so much effort to speak or even lift my hand. A nurse brought me a couple of photos of Francis and I just lay there staring at them trying to process what had just happened. Was that REALLY my baby?

I was in recovery for an hour (so I'm told - things get very hazy after this) and can remember being wheeled back to my room. I was quite lucid to start with so Graeme and I were able to choose a name for our new arrival. We decided on Francis, after Fran, my midwife and James, after my Great-Grandad. I was hooked up to a morphine PCA (Patient Controlled Analgaesia), IV fluids and IV BP medication. I was also shocked to discover that I had a drain in my wound. The BP meds meant that I was virtually nil by mouth - I could only have 40ml of water to sip every hour. I eventually learned to make 40ml last quite a while! When the midwife stopped my drip for an hour so I could have tea and toast, I felt like I was having the most wonderful meal I'd ever had. Although the morphine was fantastic pain relief it did make me hallucinate. I had visits from the doctor and conversations with Graeme that never actually happened. Every time I closed my eyes I could hear whispering in my ears and had the sensation of people touching my legs, so I was very reluctant to go to sleep. A couple of days later I read through my notes and was shocked that I had no memory of some of the things written in it. This was not how I'd imagined I'd be spending the first day of my baby's life.

Third and final part coming soon...

The Arrival of Francis James - Part One - The Problems Start

2007-11-05T19:40:00.000Z

As promised, here is the first installment of Francis's birth story. In the interest of confidentiality, with the exception of Fran, my midwife, and James, the theatre assistant, the names of all health professionals and fellow patients have been changed. I wouldn't want to see myself being accused of bringing nursing into disrepute!

Thursday 1st March 2007

At 30+4 weeks pregnant I went to see my Midwife, Fran, for my routine 30-week check-up. I was feeling well, apart from being signed off sick with exhaustion, and was looking forward to hearing the baby's heartbeat again. As usual, Fran took my blood pressure and tested my urine for protein. Worryingly, my BP was slightly raised and I had +1 of protein in my urine. As Fran toyed with the idea of sending me to hospital, I made the decision for her after telling her about my swollen ankles and flashing spots in front of my eyes, all signs of pre-eclampsia. While Fran said it was highly unlikely that there was anything wrong, she felt it best that I be checked out at the hospital just in case and rang the assessment unit to let them know I was on my way.

I trundled off to the bus stop feeling a little perplexed and slightly concerned. I made a quick call to Graeme to tell him what had happened and he agreed to meet me at the hospital. Once there we made our way to the Day Assessment Unit where I was strapped to a BP monitor for an hour (an experience I would later become accustomed to) and had to provide another urine sample for a more in-depth analysis. I also had to give what was to become the first of many many blood samples. Before getting the test results I was seen by a specialist midwife who performed another scan of the baby to check that all was well; unfortunately, according to her at least, all was not well. She informed us that the baby was small for my dates and I had very little amniotic fluid. Naturally this sent my mind into overdrive and did nothing for my nerves.

Eventually we got the news we did not want to hear - I was to be admitted for further tests and observation. At about 5pm we were led up to the antenatal ward where I sat on the bed feeling thoroughly fed up and more than a little frightened at the prospect of being on my own. I was well and truly out of my comfort zone. I was told I'd have to do a 24-hour urine collection and my blood pressure was to be very closely observed, as was the baby. So I was given a jug to pee in and a container in which to store it and was left to wonder what the hell had happened. Why is nothing ever straightforward for me?

Friday 2nd March 2007

At this point I really didn't believe that anything would go horribly wrong. I was certain that I'd be going home in a couple of days despite being monitored closely and clung to the hope that I could still have the water birth I so desperately wanted. A visit from the Consultant, Mr Williams, shattered my hopes. As Sod's Law would have it, he arrived just after Graeme had popped out for some lunch. Mr Williams explained that I did indeed have pre-eclampsia. I'd read enough about PE to know that it could turn very nasty and for the first time since my admission I was glad I was in hospital.

However, I was totally unprepared for what Mr Williams said next. I was told that my pregnancy would not go to term and that, because of the PE, the baby would be delivered at some point in the next few weeks by caesarean section and would then have to spend a couple of weeks in the Special Care Baby Unit. I was crushed and in complete shock. My dream of a water birth and bringing the baby home the same day lay in tatters. The only positive news Mr Williams had for me was that I'd be able to go home on Saturday provided my urine had less than 0.5g of protein in it, otherwise I'd be staying in hospital until they felt the time was right to deliver the baby. Mr Williams was hopeful that I would get to 34 weeks provided my condition remained stable, but told me I should prepare myself for the possibility of an even earlier arrival. Needless to say, Graeme was not very pleased to hear all of this when he got back from lunch.

Saturday 3rd March 2007

My urine test results came back and it was not good news. There was 0.55g of protein in my urine meaning that I was unable to go home. I was pretty annoyed, but did take some solace from the fact that I was in the best possible place.

That evening I got some horrendous pains just below my ribcage. I'd never known pain like it and was struggling to cope. Debbie, the less-than-sympathetic midwife, took little notice of me, even when Graeme asked her for help, and the next thing I knew I was in the grip of a panic attack. Debbie's solution to this was to open a window and tell me that if I didn't calm down I'd distress the baby. Very helpful. She also ordered Graeme off the ward because visiting was over! I was distraught and Graeme was clearly horrified at having to leave me. Fortunately the attack passed, as did the pain, and I was able to call Graeme on the sly to let him know that all was well. I have since learned that the pain could have been a sign of problems with my liver, so Debbie really should have shown a bit more concern.

Sunday 4th March

Today was the day things started to go downhill. As usual I'd been feeling well. In the early evening, just after tea, I was sat in the chair with my feet up, half-reading a magazine and chatting to Jane, the lady in the next bed. Jane was in for an elective c-section as her baby was transverse and we were joking that maybe I'd nick her theatre slot. Graeme had gone home for his tea. A student came along to do my latest BP check. I was well used to this by now and carried on chatting to Jane. I stopped chatting when the obs machine started beeping quite angrily so I glanced up at it and saw that my BP was 195/100! I was shocked and knew instantly that things were taking a turn for the worse. The poor student obviously thought she'd done something wrong so re-did my BP using my other arm, with pretty much the same result. She went for help as I sat there in shock, but putting on a brave face. A midwife came and checked my BP manually and then went to find a doctor.

A registrar turned up and told me that they were very worried about my BP (no shit!) and as a result were moving me to the delivery suite! They wasted no time either - I was instantly whisked away on my bed to a High Dependency room on the delivery suite. I knew Graeme was due to come back to the hospital soon and didn't want him arriving at the ward only to be told I'd been taken to delivery! A student went to phone him while I was told that, because of my escalating blood pressure, they were going to have to deliver the baby!

Graeme arrived and was as white as a sheet. The midwife started preparing to catheterise me for theatre when a doctor came into the room and told her to stop! Mr Williams had been consulted and he felt that the best course of action was to put me on some antihypertensives to manage my BP and review my situation the following day. Talk about feeling relieved! So I was started on a course of Nifedipine, which gave me horrendous headaches, and attached to an obs machine, which went off every 20 minutes thus ensuring I would get little or no sleep for the remainder of my pregnancy.

Part 2 coming soon...

The Whole Story

2007-10-28T11:55:00.000Z

I've decided that the time has come to put Francis's birth story on the website. Certain recent events have got me thinking about it more than usual and I've realised that, while my physical recovery took only a couple of months, emotionally I still have a long way to go. I am at the point where I don't think I will ever get over it and while I feel this way the prospect of any more children is far too scary to think about. Although most people know the gist of what happened to me I really feel it's time that everyone knew the full story and I am hoping that by getting things off my chest I can start to put the experience behind me and move on.

I am warning you now, it will be long! I may need to post it in installments or there is the possibility that Graeme may set up a separate page for it. I shall make a start on it today and hopefully have it on the site within the week.

Lisa xxx

September - Pine Lake, Teen Mums and Lunch with Friends

2007-10-16T10:35:00.000+01:00

It's occurred to me that I do not have the time to write posts for all the stuff that has happened recently, which means that my promised holiday post has been given the boot. Instead, here is September in a nutshell.

We spent the first week of September at the Pine Lake Resort in the Lake District, thanks to Graeme's parents letting us use their holiday club. We had a 2-bedroom lodge all to ourselves and were able to forget about real life for a week. Having a small baby prevented us from taking full advantage of the local acttractions and resort activities, but we still had a lovely time. We visited Lancaster (like York, but nowhere near as pretty), Morecambe (THE place to go if you have a Motability scooter) and Kendal (which was beautiful, but I was far too tired to appreciate it). We even managed to have dinner in the bar a couple of times or just a coffee if we just fancied getting out of the lodge for an hour or so. Unfortunately, Francis chose this week to start waking three times a night for a feed, so I pretty much missed the mornings by catching up on sleep. It was by no means a restful break for me, but it was lovely to have a change of scene. I'd love to take Francis back there when he's older.

September also saw me being invited to a Teenage Mums group to chat to them about breastfeeding. They were a nice bunch, not at all what I'd been expecting. Only one of them resolutely said she won't breastfeed (which, quite frankly, baffles the hell out of me) but one girl was very interested and asked loads of questions. The rest were not very vocal. The midwife thought it was amazing that I was still breastfeeding after my unconventional start to motherhood. She also told me I'm only the third HELLP Syndrome case she's ever encountered. Let's hope I'm the last; I wouldn't wish my experience on my worst enemy.

Towards the end of the month I was delighted to receive a Facebook message from my friend Vicky, who lives down in Swindon. I first got to know Vicky a few years ago via a website and we met up in person last year, along with a few others from the same website. Vicky's message said that she and her husband Phil were coming to Liverpool for a party and did I fancy meeting up for lunch? Of course I said yes, having not seen her for ages and having no idea when I'll get another chance. So, on the last day of Spetember, Graeme, Francis and myself met up with Vicky and Phil in Wetherspoons pub in town for lunch and a chat. It was lovely to see Vicky again and to meet Phil for the first time after hearing so much about him.

Sorry to be so brief, but Francis is getting more demanding now so I don't have as much time on my hands. I'll do a recap of more recent events later in the week.

Lisa xxx

Message From Beyond The Tyne...

2007-10-12T14:10:00.000+01:00

As some people may be aware, Lisa has been spending the week up norf with the parents, enjoying the freedom that comes with having somebody else to play with the baby for 5 minutes. Given that when left on my own, I tend to sit and do absolutely nothing most of the time, there have STILL been no more updates to the website.

Obviously, Lisa now has loads of spare time while Francis is coo'd by all and sundry, so she filmed a little clip of him having a play on his gym and uploaded it to youtube. Check it out HERE.

Lisa will be back this weekend, and then (possibly) normal website service will be resumed!

Gallery Updates!

2007-09-28T12:35:00.000+01:00

In lieu of any interesting posts I've uploaded some pictures to the gallery. Francis's album finally has some new content and I've added our holiday photos. I will get round to writing an account of our holiday soon - I promise!

Lisa xxx

Apologies

2007-09-27T22:14:00.000+01:00

I just want to say sorry for the lack of updates on the website recently. I know I promised a story about our holiday, but I just haven't had the time or the energy. I've had a difficult few weeks with Francis waking several times a night for feeds, so I've been pretty drained and haven't really felt up to posting. Fortunately, Francis slept through last night, so hopefully I'll be able to recover from my zombie-like state and put some more time into the website. Oh, and tackling the ironing probably isn't a bad idea either.

Lisa xxx

Holiday Story Coming Soon

2007-09-12T22:16:00.000+01:00

Some of you know that we were on holiday last week. Normally I'd have written a post about it within a couple of days of getting back, but I just haven't had the time. I've not even put the photos on the PC yet. I'll update you on our holiday as soon as I get the chance, which will probably be at the weekend when Graeme is around to do Francis Duty!

Lisa xxx

Locked Out!

2007-09-12T21:58:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I managed to lock myself out of the house. After being completely convinced that I'd put my keys in the changing bag, I was both bewildered and dismayed to find that this wasn't the case at all. Luckily I'd remembered my phone and made a very sheepish call to Graeme to tell him what I'd done.

To add insult to injury, when I got to the Surestart Centre, my reason for venturing out, I couldn't get in as nobody came when I rang the bell. I went to the school entrance and stood there like a numpty until someone noticed me and escorted me to the baby clinic. I was then told that clinic had been moved to Fridays, but I was welcome to stay and chat for a while. As there was another mum there and given that I wasn't having the best of days, I stayed for an hour or so. It was nice to talk to other adults during the day, so I've decided to take advantage of some of the other baby groups run by the centre, though I think I'll stay well clear of "Jingle Jangle"...

Afterwards, I rang Graeme to let him know I was on my way home, so he could leave work to let me in the house. I had to take the "scenic" route home to add extra time to my journey, so that I wouldn't end up sitting on the door step waiting for him; our front door is right on the street, so I'd have looked very odd indeed!

Lisa xxx

Rollin', Rollin', Rollin'

2007-09-11T14:00:00.000+01:00

On Sunday, while at Paul and Becky's flat, Francis was being a bit grouchy, so I thought maybe a nappy change would help. He cheered up and was happily flailing about on the rug, so I decided to put him on his tummy for a bit of "tummy time". He HATES tummy time, but I know it's important for his development, so I try to do it every so often. This time he obviously decided that he really didn't want to be on his tummy and rolled over onto his back! I put him on his front again just to see if it was a fluke, and he did it again!

I picked him up and started squealing "clever boy" at him like a complete loon. I don't think Francis had any idea why I was squealing at him, but he looked so thrilled I thought he might burst with excitement. I'm amazed at how far he's come given his less than perfect start in life. Here's hoping he continues to make such fabulous progress!

Lisa xxx

The Moses Basket Retires

2007-08-30T15:47:00.000+01:00

On Tuesday night, while Graeme was at the Liverpool match (4-0!), I faced the mammoth task of putting Francis to bed. Francis isn't great at settling for me at bed time - Graeme usually settles him - so I wasn't exactly thrilled at the prospect. At about 8pm Francis started yawning and, instead of settling him in the living room and carrying him up as we normally do, I decided to try and settle him upstairs. I also thought that the time had come for him to start sleeping in the nursery, because there is precious little room left in his moses basket.

I popped Francis in the cot and turned out the light, hoping he would get himself off to sleep like he does after his night-feeds, but he was having none of it. So I tried picking him up and pacing the floor with him - this didn't work either. I managed to calm him down so I put him back in the cot... at which point he started screaming and going purple in the face. So I did the only thing that settles him when he's in such a state - I breastfed him. Within seconds he was asleep. Even so, it was a good 5 minutes before I felt brave enough to attempt to stealthily place him in the cot. I was right to feel wary - he woke as soon as I moved and I had to pop him back on the breast to get him to sleep again before he roused enough to realise what was happening. Eventually, after another brief feed, I held my breath and, extremely slowly, placed him back in the cot and nervously slid my hands out from under him. After satisfying myself that he was sound asleep, I backed out of the room and closed the door, cursing myself for forgetting to spray the hinges with WD40.

Going to bed that night was an unpleasant experience. This was the first night that I'd slept in a different room to Francis since he came home from the hospital. I found it extremely difficult to settle. I'd become accustomed to looking over the edge of the bed and seeing Francis snoozing happily in his moses basket or reaching out and holding his tiny hand; now that Francis wasn't there I felt very uncomfortable. Every little snuffle and whimper over the baby monitor had me on edge; I couldn't help but wonder what each whimper meant. It was some small comfort to me that the baby monitor was so sensitive that I could hear Francis breathing.

I woke up at 5:30am to the sound of Francis grizzling for his next feed. He looked so pleased to see me when I picked him up, so I'm not convinced he likes being in a room on his own. As it was so early I brought him into the bed where he stayed until it was time to get up.

I still didn't feel any better about him being in the cot when we did it again last night, but we have no alternative. He is too big for the moses basket and the cot is too big for our room. I guess I'm just sad that this is a stark reminder of how quickly Francis is growing and his needs changing. It'll be his first day at school before I've had time to recover from all the sleepless nights!

Lisa xxx

PS - Francis was weighed on Tuesday and is now 11lb 10oz.

Street Fighter

2007-08-18T16:24:00.000+01:00

Last night I was woken from my slumber by a to-do in the street. Well, I say to-do, but it sounded like a loads of banshees having a riot. I don't know what it is about this area, but when people have some sort of beef with one another they like to settle their differences in the street. By shouting and screaming. In the middle of the night. And they like to bring all their friends along for good measure because it would seem that the best way to settle a dispute is to see whose "team" can scream and swear the loudest. "Who the f*** do you think you are?" is a favoured taunt as is "It's got nottun to do wit' you."

I have no idea what this group of women were arguing about. Their yelling was so high-pitched I'm surprised I could hear it at all. It went on for a good 15 minutes, during which time I prayed they wouldn't move any closer to our house and contemplated calling the police. As it happens the police did turn up, but the fight had thankfully moved further away by that point.

I have never heard the like of it in my life. Why people feel the need to shout and scream at each other like that, especially in the street, is just beyond me. Some people just have no class or decorum whatsoever. Sadly, this type of incident is becoming quite common in our street. The woman next door has some sort of feud going with another woman and they regularly engage in verbal sparring in the street. As if fights weren't bad enough, a couple of weeks ago someone set a car on fire at the end of our block. I used to be quite happy living round here, but I'm starting to become more uncomfortable with the situation - this is clearly no place to be raising a child. And Liverpool is going to be the Capital of Culture next year. What a joke.

Lisa xxx

Solid as a Rock

2007-08-16T16:10:00.000+01:00

Today Francis had his first taste of solid food.

I'd suspected for a while that Francis may be ready for weaning. When we saw the consultant last month he said that we should go by Francis's actual age, not his corrected age, when deciding when to wean. This surprised me at the time as I had fully prepared myself for Francis to reach 8 months old before being introduced to a spoon. However, given Francis's behaviour over the past couple of weeks I can see the consultant's advice was spot on.

Francis has gone from 3-hourly feeds to feeding every 1 1/2 hours or so, sometimes more frequently. His fingers are never out of his mouth and he's started chewing on his muslin squares. He's started waking up at stupid o'clock every morning, has become very difficult to settle at bed time and has stopped sleeping through. Last night, for example, he fed at 7:30pm, which is usually his last feed, and was in bed at 8:45pm. By 9pm he was awake screaming for a feed. I fed him and got him back to sleep, but he woke again at 10:30. I'd hoped this might be it, but he woke yet again at midnight! It was gone 1am by the time he went to sleep and then he was awake at 6am! I've lost count of the number of feeds he's had today. I barely get a second to myself and I'm feeling incredibly drained.

It wasn't until today that I was completely satisfied that it wasn't a growth spurt. I'd put Francis in his bouncy chair in the kitchen so I could get the dishes done - sometimes he's happy to watch me. I'd almost finished when I could hear him getting quite upset - I turned round to find him attempting to eat the toys on his play arch and getting incredibly annoyed that they weren't edible. I found it very upsetting to see him so frustrated so I decided to try him with some baby rice. After some initial upset about accepting a spoon, he seemed quite keen on the rice - he screamed whenever I took the spoon away! He became very upset after a few spoonfuls, so I gave him a breast feed which calmed him down and got him off to sleep.

I'm going to take the weaning very slowly and will stick with baby rice for a while. I'm very conscious of Francis's prematurity and don't want to cause any problems for him by rushing things. Still, if things go well it should make my day a bit easier - I seem to be permanently feeding him at the moment and I'm exhausted!

Lisa xxx

Happy Birthday Little Alan!

2007-08-15T15:44:00.000+01:00

Happy Birthday to my cousin, Little Alan. He's 18 today, so not so little any more!

I could mention how it seems like only yesterday he was just a baby, crawling backwards around the living room, but I won't - that just makes me feel old.

Apologies for posting this so late in the day, but this is the first chance I've had - Francis is a demanding little boy!

Love from Lisa, Graeme & Francis xxx

A Trip to Hoylake

2007-08-06T13:53:00.000+01:00

Yesterday we went to Hoylake to see the progress our friends Steve and Al have made on doing up Al's old house. There's a family waiting to move in so Al really needs it finished in double-quick time, but, it being such an old house that hasn't been touched for years, they've had no end of problems hampering their progress. Even so, the place was looking pretty good considering they've still got a lot to do. I was particularly impressed by the kitchen with its solid oak units and snazzy mosaic tiles. Seeing what can be done to a place really makes me want to get stuck in with the rest of our house so that we can get it finished and move on to bigger and better things ASAP!

After a cuppa and a chat we said our goodbyes and headed to the beach to make the most of the remaining sun. We strolled along the promenade eating ice creams with the sun at our backs, Francis snoozing in his pram. All around us were families with young children, enjoying this rare occurance of sunshine. There were no scallies around, no grafitti, no girls in ugg boots and pyjamas... It was a world away from Liverpool. I was very sad to leave and found returning to our not-so-idyllic neck of the woods with its boarded up houses and gangs of kids really quite depressing. The sooner we can move away from Anfield the better.

Lisa xxx

Sad News

2007-08-01T12:51:00.000+01:00

Sweep, one of my family's much-loved cats, passed away this morning. He was 12 years old.

Sweep had been beset with health problems recently and despite exceptional care from the vet, his condition continued to deteriorate. My Mam took him to the vet again at the weekend as Sweep had virtually stopped eating and was painfully thin. The vet said that the growth in Sweep's leg had been cancerous and the cancer had spread and there was nothing more they could do. I had the feeling Sweep was seriously ill the last time I saw him, but I honestly never thought that this would happen. Sweep has always been so fit and healthy, so to see him go like this is truly heartbreaking.

Night night Sweepies. We'll all miss you.

Lisa xxx

All Night Long

2007-07-13T12:01:00.000+01:00

Francis slept through the night for the first time! He had his last feed yesterday at 11pm and didn't wake for his next feed until 5:45am. When I woke up to feed him I was a bit confused and wasn't quite sure what was going on. I thought maybe I'd been so zonked for his 3am feed that I'd forgotten it (it wouldn't be the first time).

Francis obviously felt that waking once in the night wasn't quite enough stress for me, so he decided to have a bit of a puke-fest all over the duvet. He then took ages to settle - he wasn't crying, but he obviously felt that there were far better things to do than sleep at 6 in the morning. I left him to it and he eventually drifted off at around 6:45am.

I'm hoping that this wasn't a one-off and I can start to get a decent stretch of sleep at night. I've been sleeping in 2 1/2 hour stints since he came home, so after last night I feel like I've slept for a month!

Lisa xxx

A Hospital Check-Up

2007-07-10T20:48:00.000+01:00

Today Francis had an appointment at Liverpool Women's Hospital to check his progress. I'm pleased to report that he's doing really well (not that I needed a doctor to tell me that). Graeme had taken the afternoon off work so that I didn't have to trek there on my own using public transport. We arrived early and thankfully didn't have to wait too long to be seen. Francis was weighed and measured by the nurses before we saw the doctor - he was smiling at them the whole time. The smiles disappeared when we saw the doctor though - Francis screamed throughout the consultation!

Francis tipped the scales at 9lb 13.5oz - a 1lb 1.5oz gain in less than 2 weeks. The doctor was really pleased with his weight gain and overall development. We discussed a couple of concerns (nothing major - just his reflux and the fact that he only wants to look to the right when he's on his back!) but the doctor felt there was no need for us to worry. We're to carry on giving Francis Gaviscon when necessary and if his neck "problem" becomes more noticable, the doctor may refer Francis for physio, though hopefully it won't come to that.

After the appointment we headed to the "feeding room" (and I use this term very loosely) to feed Francis. The feeding room was nothing more than a glorified utility room with a couple of seats and a changing mat in it. I was appalled that a hospital that claims to promote "breast is best" would have such poor feeding facilities and I'm actually considering writing to the hospital to complain. Both Mamas and Papas and John Lewis's feeding facilities put this one to shame. We were even interrupted twice by staff coming in to use the sink! I think next time I'll feed Francis in the foyer!

Afterwards, instead of heading straight home, we drove to Allerton to go for a coffee. Costa was packed with mums and babies so it was a bit noisy! In fact, I think Francis was the only baby who was asleep! Spending time in Allerton always makes me want to move house - I'm getting a bit fed up of our tiny 2-up-2-down. It's funny to think that Allerton is the area we really wanted to live in, but we just couldn't afford it and ended up in the much less desirable Anfield instead. Still, the property market round here is booming so we should make a tidy profit on this house and be able to move somewhere much bigger in a nicer area.

By the time we got home it was after 5pm and as you can see the busy afternoon was just too much for Francis.

Lisa xxx

Moses Basket Case

2007-07-09T13:01:00.000+01:00

After several weeks of successful co-sleeping, it all went a bit pear-shaped. Francis became increasingly unhappy with the arrangement and ended up more unsettled than he had ever been in his moses basket. He was fussing at feeds, refusing to feed, screaming for ages and his reflux seemed worse than ever. Feeds were lasting forever and I was finding it increasingly difficult to settle him. Nights turned into an absolute nightmare which left me completely exhausted and I suspect Francis found it a bit knackering too. Something had to be done. So, four nights ago we started putting him to bed in his moses basket.

I suppose I should mention at this point that we started giving him a dummy a couple of weeks ago. I really didn't want to, but Francis was having trouble getting himself to sleep and had started sucking his thumb for comfort. It pains me to say it, but the dummy has helped immensely. Francis will let me put him down for naps during the day now, which gives me a bit of a breather. We only give him the dummy to help him settle and he usually spits it out once he's asleep, so I don't think we need to worry about him having a dummy addiction. And, so far, I've not noticed any effect on his breastfeeding. The infant feeding team at the hospital had warned me against giving him a dummy and I have read cases of babies developing nipple confusion which completely ruined their ability to breastfeed. Luckily, nipple confusion seems to have passed Francis by.

Thanks to the dummy, we have been able to settle Francis in his basket at bedtime. It wasn't easy at first - I spent much of the first night with my arm dangling over the side of the bed holding the dummy in his mouth - but I've noticed an improvement already. On Saturday night he refused to have the dummy and got off to sleep on his own, so hopefully the dummy is only a temporary measure. He's also been settling much quicker after feeds. He's still a three-hourly feeder, but feeds are much shorter now so not as draining on me in the middle of the night.

I'm hoping that this is the start of things getting a bit easier for me. I've definitely been getting a little extra sleep these past few nights and haven't been as tired during the day, though I do still use the mornings to catch up on the sleep I've missed. Once Francis goes longer between feeds I might actually start to feel like a human being in the morning!

Lisa xxx

Weigh to Go!

2007-06-28T11:22:00.000+01:00

I've just had a visit from the health visitor who gave me some information on weaning Francis. Mind you, it will be a good few months before I even think about weaning him - his corrected age is only 7 weeks!

She'd brought the scales so Francis could be weighed. I was delighted to be told he is now 8lb 12oz. He's still gaining 9oz a week and has nothing but breastmilk; my little boy is growing so fast and it's all my own work!

The health visitor also told me off for not eating enough. Apparently, I'm so exhausted because all my energy is going into making breastmilk for Francis and my body has nothing left for me! Oh well, any excuse to eat more is fine by me!

Lisa xxx

Father's Day

2007-06-18T16:33:00.000+01:00

I hope all the Dads and Grandads out there had a very Happy Father's Day!

It was Graeme's first ever Father's Day and I think it was a good day for him. We'd had a rough couple of days with Francis being very unsettled, so decided we deserved a lie in. After reminding Graeme that it was Father's Day (he'd completely forgotten) I presented him with his little bag of gifts. I'd not realised it was a "Happy Birthday" bag when I bought it - I'd only noticed the Daddish images of ties, socks and cars. Still, Graeme didn't seem to mind when I pointed this out.

He seemed pleased with his presents - Gordon Ramsey's autobiography, a "Me to You" Dad photo frame and a mysterious CD which was later revealed to be a photo montage tribute to Graeme and what a great Daddy he is :o) Far better than anything you can buy in the shops if I do say so myself! After a rather stressful shopping trip to buy essential groceries, Graeme spent some time with Francis while I tackled the mountain of ironing that has built up over the past few weeks and then cooked bangers and mash for tea. I don't get the chance to cook very often so it made a nice change (even if I did make an arse of the mashed potato and almost ruin the gravy). Unfortunately, Francis was very cranky so Graeme and I had to take turns to console him and eat our meals. It wasn't quite the special end to the day I'd been hoping for, but we learned very quickly that you can't always get what you want when you have a baby!

Lisa xxx

Francis Says Cheese!

2007-06-13T22:17:00.000+01:00

After weeks of trying, we have finally managed to get a picture of Francis smiling!

He smiles every day now, so hopefully there'll be plenty more pics to follow!

Lisa xxx

Some Like It Hot...

2007-06-13T22:10:00.000+01:00

...but I don't. Neither does Graeme. At the weekend, we discovered that Francis doesn't either.

We were up pretty early on Saturday and by 11am were on our way to New Mersey Retail Park. (This might not seem early to you, but it's a small miracle for us. Since Francis came home we've rarely got out before 2pm.) We were expecting Paul and Becky at 4pm so knew we had to be back well before then to tidy up and prepare the tea. It was a sunny day so I slathered factor 50+ all over Francis and put on some factor 25 myself. However, it wasn't until we arrived at the retail park that we realised just how hot it was. It was scorching.

Almost immediately Francis was unsettled. We grabbed some lunch in Boots, and I got a new Ladyshave with my birthday money as I managed to break my last one, then headed over to Mamas & Papas to use their feeding room. Francis didn't feed for too long, so I suspect the heat had just made him thirsty. To help cool him down we stripped him down to his vest. While in Mamas & Papas we picked up a parasol for the pram and I treated myself to a new mega-sized changing bag as my old shoulder bag just wasn't big enough to fit everything in. While I was paying for them, Francis was sick down Graeme's t-shirt. Oh how we laughed.

Our next stop-off was Next so I could spend the Giftcard that Steve and Sandra, Graeme's Mum and Dad, had got me for my birthday. Usually I have trouble choosing something, but I immediately spotted a lovely pair of bermuda-short-style jeans. I was less than surprised to discover I'd gone up a size, but it was nice to wear a pair of non-maternity jeans for a change! I used the money left on the card to get a little sun hat for Francis.

While in Next Francis had a small nappy explosion so we popped in to Starbucks to use the changing facilities. We decided we deserved a rest so found a table and ordered a couple of Frappuccinos. Francis chose this moment to become unsettled again; warm weather clearly doesn't agree with him. We decided to make a swift getaway; I went and sat in the car to feed Francis again while Graeme popped to Marks & Spencer to pick up a few bits and bobs for tea.

The heat had obviously got to all of us as when we got home we all fell asleep! Luckily Paul and Becky let us know they were going to be late, so we had plenty of time to recharge our batteries and do a bit of tidying up. Paul and Becky arrived at 6:30pm laden with gifts! I got an HMV Giftcard for my birthday and Francis got a playmat. He seemed to really like it, although he is a bit young to fully appreciate it. I'm sure he'll really love it once he can roll over and properly interact with things. Graeme did all the cooking (Thanks Graeme!) so I got the chance to relax a bit. We watched a couple of films and Paul and Becky left at 11pm. We had a lovely evening and hopefully we'll do it again soon.

Steve and Sandra came to visit the next day, so it turned out to be a pretty busy weekend. By Monday I was knackered and the continuing hot weather certainly wasn't helping matters much. The warm weather has continued for the past couple of days. It's been too warm to have Francis in the sling and he has been fussing quite badly at feeds making it a tough few days for me. At least nighttimes are now under control thanks to co-sleeping. Last night Francis fed at midnight and 4am and settled straightaway, something which was unheard of when I was struggling every night to get him in his basket. It once took me over 3 hours to settle him and he ended up in the bed anyway; co-sleeping just cuts out all the intermittent stress! It's not without it's drawbacks though - I woke up this morning to find both of us covered in sick. Nice.

The weather has cooled off a lot so I plan on getting Francis in the sling again so I can have my arms back! Also, on the advice of the health visitor, I eat my lunch while Francis has his lunchtime feed, so at least I'm getting something decent during the day instead of living on biscuits and Muller Rice! The next plan of action is to get Francis sleeping in his pram during the day. I've given up on his moses basket - he HATES it!

Lisa xxx

Happy Birthday Rachel!

2007-06-11T10:40:00.000+01:00

It's my little sister's 21st Birthday today!

Have a great day Rachel! I hope your present got there on time - I didn't have the chance to post it until Saturday!

Lots of Love,
Lisa, Graeme & Francis xxx

Pilin' on the Ounces!

2007-06-07T18:26:00.000+01:00

Francis was weighed again this morning - he's put on 9oz this week, taking him up to 7lb 1oz. It's obviously good stuff this breastmilk!

I also spoke to Kate about the hoo-ha we'd had at Alder Hey last week. She was ever so apologetic. It turns out someone else had marked the graph then shown it to Kate who had obviously thought Francis wasn't gaining enough. So, a simple case of passing on misinformation. I doubt it will happen again!

Lisa xxx

Starring Francis James Thornton...

2007-06-04T13:24:00.000+01:00

A couple of weeks ago I discovered Windows Movie Maker and put together a little montage of Francis' first 2 months of life. I was very pleased with the result and decided I wanted to share it with friends and family. After several unsuccessful attempts at uploading it to our gallery, I bit the bullet and uploaded it to YouTube instead. Here is the finished film - make sure you have your sound on. Enjoy!

Lisa xxx

A Perfect Birthday

2007-06-04T13:20:00.000+01:00

Yesterday was my 27th Birthday. Another year older and, for the first time, definitely wiser - I am a Mummy now after all!

I woke at around 9am having had a really good nights sleep for a change. (I've discovered the joys of co-sleeping with Francis. I'm now able to feed him while I lie on my side and go back to sleep!) Graeme brought me my cards and gifts and I opened them all while still in bed. I got money from my Mum and Dad and Aunties Yvonne and Alison, a book from my sister, a Next Giftcard from my in-laws and a Body Shop Giftcard from my brother. Graeme had obviously been very receptive in recent weeks and had bought me things I'd been planning on buying myself - Night at the Museum on Blu-ray and The World According to Clarkson Volume 2. He also bought me a chocolate monkey (!) from Thornton's. I got a lovely "Mum" mug and a really sweet plaque with a poem on it from Francis. I'm going to put some of the money towards a new pair of trainers which I desperately need - my current pair are falling apart!

I'd wanted to go to Sefton Park, but the nice weather had disappeared and it looked like it might rain. Instead, we went into town so I could spend some of my gift vouchers, but I didn't see anything I wanted. This was not turning out to be a very successful day! We'd been round a couple of shops when Francis started getting hungry. After a brief stop-off in John Lewis to take advantage of their Parents Room to feed and change Francis, we went to the May Sum Chinese Buffet Restaurant, a place that never disappoints. It's not the kind of place to go for a romantic dinner for two, but the food is delicious and it's fantastic value for money. Francis slept through most of the meal, apart from a leaky nappy incident meaning an imprompu visit to the baby change facilities. Typical really - since Francis came home I've never been able to eat a meal in one sitting.

By the time we'd finished our meal it was after 5pm and all the shops were closed so we headed home. No sooner were we in the door than the heavens opened; we'd had a lucky escape! I had my first go on the Playstation 3 (we've downloaded a couple of really addictive puzzle games) and sent Graeme to the shop for a bottle of red wine. When Graeme came back, we put Night at the Museum on and cracked open the wine. Then Graeme brought me one last surprise - a Spider-Man birthday cake! Wine, Spidey-cake, a great film and even better company - my ideal night in!

All in all I had a wonderful day. It may not have been the most exciting of birthdays, but I spent it with the two most important people in my life and that alone made it my best birthday yet. Even if I am one step closer to 30.

Lisa xxx

Two Hospitals, One Day

2007-06-01T19:42:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I took Francis for his usual weigh-in at the breastfeeding workshop at Liverpool Women's Hospital. I was already having a pretty crappy day. I'd overslept and had a mad dash trying to get to the hospital on time; I was more than a little flustered by the time I got there at around 12pm. I cheered up a bit after Francis was weighed though; he'd put on 1lb 2oz in 2 weeks, taking him to 6lb 8oz! I was extremely pleased with this so was more than a little puzzled when Kate told me that Francis' weight was dropping off the growth chart! How could a baby who has put on over a pound in 2 weeks not be gaining enough weight?

While Kate went off to see the consultant, I chatted with the other advisor and asked for some advice about Francis bringing up milk after feeds. Kate returned and was informed of the vomiting and felt that this could explain his "poor" weight gain. She went for another chat with the consultant and returned with some rather disturbing news.

The consultant felt that Francis should go to Alder Hey Children's Hospital to be checked out more thoroughly as the vomiting could be a sign of a urine infection and his lack of weight gain needed to be investigated. I was appalled and annoyed, but reluctantly agreed to take Francis to Alder Hey Accident and Emergency to be checked out. Unfortunately, I had to ring Graeme at work to come and pick us up as I had no idea how to get there on the bus or how long it would take me.

Once at Alder Hey we ended up parking as far from A&E as was humanly possible. It took a good 10 minutes to get from the car to A&E. After checking in at reception, Francis was seen by the triage nurse who did his observations - which were all perfect - and asked us the reasons for his referral. We were then told to go to another waiting area and wait to be called in by the doctors. No sooner had we sat down again, Francis was in dire need of a nappy change. The changing room in A&E was out of order, so I left the department to look for another one. True to Sods Law, Francis was called in as soon as I'd left!

We eventually got into the observation room where we waited to be seen by a doctor. By the time a doctor came over, Francis was screaming to be fed so the doctor left again so I could feed him. While feeding Francis, I overheard one of the nurses saying that Francis had been referred for failure to thrive! I couldn't believe my ears! Francis had put on a fantastic amount of weight, so how could he possibly not be thriving? Exactly how much weight did they expect a breastfed, premature baby to put on in 2 weeks?

After I'd finished feeding Francis the doctor came back over. I took Francis' growth chart out to show her and when I looked at it I realised Kate had made a mistake! She hadn't accounted for Francis' prematurity when she'd marked his weight on the graph! (Although Francis is 12 weeks old, his corrected age, taken from his due date, is only 3 weeks.) Kate had marked the graph at 12 weeks instead of 3 weeks; no wonder it looked as though he wasn't gaining enough! Once the doctor had put his weight in the correct place, it was obvious he was gaining weight quite nicely! The doctor then examined Francis and declared him perfectly healthy - not that I needed a medical professional to tell me that.

I had hoped that we'd be able to go home at this point when it was clear that it was all a mix-up, but they wanted to test Francis for a urine infection as the consultant had requested. So we were given a sample pot and waited for Francis to produce the goods. And waited. And waited. Francis was not playing ball and was getting increasingly upset. The doctor suggested that I feed Francis again to calm him and to hopefully fill his bladder up a bit more. After 45 minutes of this Francis peed enough for a sample. It was now after 4pm.

We were then told we had to see the registrar who had accepted the consultants referral. He was running a clinic so we had to wait yet again. It was almost 5pm by the time he arrived. After explaining Francis' history and reasons for referral, he agreed that it was all a mistake and that his weight gain was fine. Francis was examined yet again and was again declared perfectly healthy. His urine test came back clear so I was advised to give him Gaviscon for his vomiting. At 5:15pm, we were finally able to leave.

We got back to the car to find one of the tyres completely flat - the rotten icing on the extremely shitty cake of a day we'd already had. It was gone 6pm when we finally got home.

Now I'm all for better safe than sorry - having HELLP Syndrome taught me that you really can never be too cautious when it comes to health. If Francis genuinely had some worrying symptoms than needed to be checked out, then I really cannot fault how swiftly it was dealt with. However, in this case Francis was referred on the basis of a simple mistake. I just can't fathom out how Kate and the consultant didn't realise that 1lb 2oz is not poor weight gain and look at the bigger picture instead of relying on the growth chart. Still, I suppose it's easily done, but it did cause me a lot unnecessary worry, not to mention the inconvenience of spending all that time at hospital. As his Mum I knew there was nothing wrong with Francis, so I think i'll trust my own instincts next time.

Lisa xxx

Francis Gets An Upgrade

2007-05-28T18:10:00.000+01:00

Today we went to Mothercare World in Aintree to buy Francis some new vests and sleepsuits. We were changing him into a clean outfit at some ungodly hour on Sunday morning after one of his regular post-feeding-puke-fests, when we noticed that his vest was a bit snug. Actually, it was a LOT snug - his shoulders were popping out of the neck. We also noticed that his feet now come all the way to the end of his 7 1/2lb sleepsuits. He doesn't weigh anywhere near 7 1/2lb, but he is quite a long baby - I have the feeling he's going to be tall!

On Sunday morning I dug out the 0-3 months clothes I had stockpiled long before he was born when I had foolishly believed I wouldn't need anything smaller. (You can guarantee if I'd stocked up on newborn clothes, Francis would have been 2 weeks overdue and weighed 10lb.) They were clearly still far too big for him. I realised it was time to spend yet more money - at nearly 3 months old, Francis is now ready for newborn-sized sleepsuits.

As luck would have it, Mothercare had a special offer on packs of sleepsuits and vests - buy one get one half price - so we stocked up. We also ventured into the toy department to get Francis a rattle. We bought a lovely giraffe-shaped one that straps on to his wrist (you can see it in the above photo). After spending the best part of £40 and negotiating the barrage of annoying older kids racing round on tricycles meant for toddlers, we made good our escape before I got my eye on anything else to add to Francis' ever-growing wardrobe. This kid has more clothes than I do, and that's saying something.

We got home and, after tea, put Francis in the bath, which he seemed to enjoy for a change. As you can see from the photo on the left, he wasn't overly impressed with his new Piglet vest. However, he calmed down once we put him in one of his new sleepsuits, which he dribbled on almost instantly and was sick on about an hour later. Money well spent then.

Lisa xxx

Lisa's Spider-Man 3 Experience

2007-05-27T18:24:00.000+01:00

Today I finally went to see Spider-Man 3. After stashing a supply of expressed breastmilk in the fridge, I left Graeme to look after Francis and went to my first solo cinematic experience.

I'd prepared myself in advance for the possibility that Spider-Man's latest installment would be crap. Graeme went to see it a couple of weeks ago courtesy of his employers Sony and some of his colleagues had expressed their disappointment with it. I'd heard it was cheesy and cliched and a review on Rob's website was positively scathing. However, I'm not one to be easily disappointed when it comes to films about Superheroes - it would take a pretty serious piece of detritus to make me want my money back. (Think Batman & Robin - that was one dreadful film.)

In the end, Spider-man 3 turned out to be nowhere near as bad as I'd feared. I actually found it pretty good fun; the £5.50 I'd shelled out for a small popcorn and regular Pepsi almost seemed worth it. Yes, it was cheesy and cliched, but then superhero films generally are, and I thought this had significantly less cheese than the recent Superman Returns, which I really loved. Spider-Man 3 was surprisingly dark in parts, even on the verge of being depressing, and the level of violence allowed in 12A films will never cease to amaze me. The story was not as strong as in the previous films, but there were great villains (I actually found The Sandman quite scary), fantastic special effects and plenty of humour. My one criticism would be that they tried too cram too much into one film, but everything they did cram in was good stuff so I shall forgive Sam Raimi for that. All in all, it may not have been Ocsar-worthy, but it was certainly entertaining and will no doubt be a nice addition to my DVD collection in a few months time. Heck, I might even splash out and buy the Blu-Ray.

Lisa xxx

Happy Birthday Becky!

2007-05-27T12:54:00.000+01:00

Paul's girlfriend Becky is 27 today! Have a great day Becky and I hope you liked the presents! (If you don't, fear not - I will gladly take them off your hands!)

lots of love,
Lisa, Graeme & Francis xxx

Sling When You're Winning

2007-05-25T12:27:00.000+01:00

Francis has turned into a needy little fusspot in the past couple of weeks. It's been quite hard work looking after him on my own. He constantly wants to be held and screams the place down when I put him down. It's not unusual for me to go without a wash or a meal because as soon as I leave him he starts crying. And I'm not talking a couple of whimpers here - I'm talking full-on lung exercise. I'm finding it impossible to get anything done around the house. I've tried to let him cry, but it doesn't work (Gina Ford, take note) and just makes me feel like an evil old crone and crap mum. By the time Graeme gets in from work, I'm exhausted, irritable, starving and desperate for a moment to myself. Obviously things cannot carry on like this or I will end up going crazy.

In the end, I decided that it might be worth investing in a sling to carry Francis around while I'm in the house. Francis can have the comfort he craves from me and I can have both my hands and my sanity back. Kate, my breastfeeding advisor, once recommended the Kari Me sling and said that the nurses used them in the SCBU before stricter rules on cross-infection came in to practice. After doing a bit of research into the numerous types of sling available, I decided that I liked the look of the Kari Me the best and ordered one on Wednesday from Little Possums. It wasn't cheap, but I thought £41 was a small price to pay to preserve my mental well-being!

It arrived this morning and I wasted no time in putting it to the test. The sling is basically an enormous piece of stretchy fabric that you wrap around yourself in different ways, depending on the position in which you want to carry the baby. Following the extremely simple instructions I'd tied it in the "Huggy" position within minutes and Francis was snuggled up to my chest. At first he really wasn't sure what to make of it, fussing terribly for about 10 minutes or so, but he eventually realised it wasn't something awful and drifted off to sleep. Result!

It feels a bit weird walking around carrying Francis "hands free", but it's definitely preferable to wolfing down a Muller Rice while Francis has a severe case of the screaming abdabs in the next room.

Lisa xxx

... Long Live The Gallery

2007-05-20T17:51:00.000+01:00

After much faffing and messing, the gallery has been resurrected. Unfortunately, I managed to completely wreck the previous installation, so we're having to start from scratch with a new one. I'm not sure if you can import content from one gallery into another, so we're just uploading all the photos again. This is kind-of good as it means we can reorganise a few things, and make sure that all the photos are uploaded with consistent sizes and stuff like that.

So at the minute, the gallery is a lot sparser than it once was, but we'll hopefully get all the pictures back up in the next few days/weeks.

The URL has also changed, so if you have bookmarked it, you'll need to change it match the URL.

The Gallery Is Dead...

2007-05-18T19:04:00.000+01:00

I've just used my advanced computing skills to completely knobble our gallery. Yes sir, 3 years of a Computer Science degree to efficiently destroy the installation on the server.

I'm in the process of trying to fix it, so check back later!

Francis Breaks the Pound Barrier

2007-05-10T18:56:00.000+01:00

I attended the Breastfeeding Workshop at Liverpool Women's Hospital this morning so Francis could have his weight and feeding checked. He's put on 3oz since Monday taking him to a beefy 5lb 1oz! If he carries on at this rate he might just make it to the size of a newborn by the time he's 3 months old!

Lisa xxx

A Busy Week

2007-05-07T19:43:00.000+01:00

It's been a busy week and I've got lots to tell! I'll try my best to be brief, but if you've read any of my other posts, you'll realise I find this next to impossible.

Last weekend was the first momentous visit to our home town of South Shields to show Francis off to family and friends. (Photo's of the trip can be found in Francis' album in the gallery.) On the way, we had a brief stop-off in Leeds to see Graeme's Uncle Harry and Auntie Val; their grandson Aston (apologies if I've spelt it wrong) was there too. While Graeme and I refuelled on cheese and tomato sandwiches (Thanks Val!) Harry treated Francis to a rendition of "When the Boat Comes In" and there was the first of many debates about Francis' hair colour - is it ginger ot not?! Aston seemed quite fascinated that a person could be so tiny and wasn't quite quite sure if his Grandad was telling the truth when he said he was going to swap Aston for Francis!

Our first port of call in South Shields was my Mam and Dad's house. My Mam came bounding across the road as soon as she saw us pull up and promptly whisked Francis away to fuss over. I have the feeling she'd have kept him to herself all weekend if I'd let her! After reacquainting himself with Auntie Rachel and his Granda, he had a visit from Great-auntie Yvonne, who insisted that Francis was not ginger, despite my Mam's insistance that he was. ("Ginger or not" was a theme that persisted for the entire weekend). This was also the first time we had seen Sweep since his leg amputation and he was looking remarkably well despite everything. He's lost a bit of weight because he can't be bothered to go down the stairs to mooch for food and getting around takes a bit more effort now. He looks quite funny hopping along on his three legs so I took some footage with our video camera to amuse myself at a later date :)

We were staying with Graeme's parents for a change and on the Saturday the first wave of visitors descended upon us. The stream of visitors continued on Sunday and was followed by a trip to my Granda's flat so he could meet his first great-grandchild. On Monday Francis even met the staff of South Tyneside's Community Mental Health Team! (Before you raise any eyebrows, it's where Graeme's Mam Sandra works!) Although I was happy that everybody got to meet Francis I found the whole experience more than a little tiring. I had no idea that we knew so many people! We set off on our return journey later than we'd planned and, after stopping at Paul and Becky's flat to pick up Max and Xena, didn't get home until 10pm on the Monday night. We were absolutely exhausted, which for me took some doing as I'd hardly moved from the sofa all weekend!

I'd arrived home to find a letter from my GP informing me that my 6-week check and Francis' first jabs were due, so on Wednesday morning I made my way to the surgery. I'd been waiting about 5 minutes when a lady came and took Francis to the health visitor to check him over, while I was ushered into my GP's office. It felt good to tell a health professional how overwhelmed I am by motherhood and how it's not doing my anxiety levels any good. She assured me I'm perfectly normal and that I'm doing extremely well given what I went through. Apparently, as long as the Francis and I are both looked after, it doesn't matter if we're living in squalor :o)

After my chat with the doctor she led me into the room where the health visitor was waiting with Francis. The doctor gave Francis a clean bill of health and it was time for his injections. Oh my God - the GUILT! I could already feel tears welling up in my eyes and couldn't bring myself to hold Francis while he was prodded with sharp implements. I left him in the capable hands of the health visitors and watched the whole thing out of the corner of my eye from across the room. Naturally he screamed the place down which made me feel even worse. Then I felt really crap for not holding him. Francis, Mummy will be a bit braver next time - I promise.

On Thursday I had yet another trip to the Women's hospital to have Francis checked out. Due to having no time to update you on recent events I should explain that there has been some concern over Francis' weight gain. Not from me, but the powers that be at the hospital have decided that he's just not gaining fast enough so he's being monitored regularly by the Infant Feeding Team (who have all been fantastic and very supportive). I've had a lot of one-to-one sessions with feeding advisor Kate who is satisfied that Francis is feeding well, but suggested I top him up with expressed breastmilk just to give him that little bit extra. After Kate chatted with the consultant, it was decided that his first baby clinic check-up be brough forward and that I should continue meeting with the feeding team to have him weighed and to monitor his progress. I'm not best pleased about this - I'm sick of the sight of that bloody hospital and it's quite an effort for me to get there. I don't drive and getting 2 buses there and back while pushing a pram is not the most calming of experiences.

On Saturday we went to a BBQ at Rob and Fliss' house. Being vegetarian we took our own food as it didn't seem fair that they should buy "special" stuff just for us. Fliss seemed a bit worried about the veggie fayre we'd brought, but Graeme assured her that you really couldn't ruin a veggie hotdog. Fliss proved him wrong in spectacular fashion when, called away to check how the BBQ was progressing, she forgot about the hotdogs and microwaved them to within an inch of edibility. Rob provided much amusement by managing to injure himself during every activity he tried that afternoon, which included skipping, swingball and skateboarding. (Hopefully we captured at least one of the incidents on our camcorder so we can send it to You've Been Framed.) Graeme and Fliss snapped Rob's new (and I mean new - he'd bought it that morning!) swingball pole by playing waaaaaaaay too aggressively. Rob and Fliss' toddler Elisha had an absolute whale of a time running around in the nude. I managed to get a big dollop of jam on Francis' head and his new John Lewis hat after being unable to resist the lure of a bag of ASDA jam donuts (I should have seen that one coming really). Fliss kindly lent Francis a lovely pink hat to wear for the rest of the day :o) We had a lovely afternoon and it made me think we really should do things like this more often - we don't see enough of our friends. Photos of the BBQ can be found in the gallery under "Days Out".

And this brings us up to today (well done for making it this far!) and a bit of good news! At Francis' latest weigh-in this morning he had put on 120g since last Thursday! He now weighs a whopping 4lb 14oz! We see the consultant tomorrow afternoon and hopefully he will be pleased with Francis' progress and I can put an end to my treks to the hospital. I'll let you know how it goes.

Sorry that was so long, but like I said, there was a lot of news! I'll try to update more regularly in future to avoid any more epic postings!

Lisa xxx

Unscheduled Downtime!

2007-04-26T00:24:00.000+01:00

The more eagle-eyed amongst you may have noticed that this website was unavailable for a few days this week. When I noticed that it was dead, I just assumed that the server where it lives had gone down, and it would right itself in due course. After a couple of days of dead-website-ness, I did a quick check and realised that all the other sites which run on the same server were working fine. Another little bit of investigation revealed that I'd not renewed the subscription to my domain name, and it had been suspended :(

Anyway, £10 later and www.graemethornton.co.uk is mine again for a couple of years, and we can get back to boring you with our random waffling!

Hurrah!

New Photo Album Added

2007-04-17T19:59:00.000+01:00

We've added a Home at Last album to Francis' section of the gallery. There are some photos there from his first week at home. There's not a great lot there at the moment, but we'll be adding photos regularly so be sure to have a nosey!

Lisa xxx

Playing Happy Families

2007-04-16T12:36:00.000+01:00

Sorry it's taken me so long to post on here, but I'm sure you can appreciate I don't have much free time now with a baby to look after! This won't be a long post - my brain is running on emergency power and there's not much of that left!

Francis has been home for a week now and, for the most part, things are going well. We've had a few problems getting him to sleep at night (Thursday night I had only 2 hours sleep), but that seems to be improving. He's now a dab hand at breastfeeding and feeds around every three hours. I was a bit worried that he would struggle with this as, before he left hospital, he was still having a few problems latching on, but now it's really easy. It's great not having to worry about bottles and formula - especially at 3am when he's screaming to be fed!

On Thursday it was Graeme's birthday so we decided to venture out with Francis for the first time. It was a bit of a military operation getting organised and, just when we were about to leave, Francis decided he wanted his dinner! After that minor delay, we eventually arrived at Speke Retail Park which was thankfully not too busy. It was a weird experience pushing a pram around for the first time. I was half-expecting some random woman to come racing after me, asking why I'd nicked her baby. It's going to take a while for it to sink in that I'm actually a mum now. We had a lovely, stress-free wander around the shops buying a few bits and pieces for Francis and some ornaments for our newly-decorated living room. We also learned a valuable lesson in parenting while shopping in Mamas and Papas after Francis caused a small explosion in his nappy. ALWAYS take spare baby clothes with you - baby poop gets EVERYWHERE.

Other than that, there's not a geat deal to report. We've both discovered we can function quite well on surprisingly little sleep (although 2 hours is pushing it slightly). We've bathed Francis a couple of times with mixed results - sometimes he seems to enjoy it, other times he screams blue murder. He'd lost a little bit of weight at his last check-up on Friday (not sure how - he feeds like a gannet), but he's getting weighed again tomorrow so hopefully it will be good news.

I'm off to catch 40 winks (literally) before Francis wakes for his next feed. Oh, too late.

Lisa xxx

Francis Is Coming Home!

2007-04-06T08:49:00.000+01:00

After what has felt like an absolute eternity, we've been given the go-ahead to bring our little boy home on Monday!

In a meeting with the breastfeeding advisor yesterday, she was really pleased with Francis' progress with feeding and felt I was ready for the rooming-in stage. So I'll be spending the weekend in one of the parents' rooms on the SCBU, getting to grips with feeding Francis both day and night. Provided all goes well he'll be discharged on Monday, one day short of being 5 weeks old.

Never mind Happy Easter - it feels like Christmas!

Lisa xxx

Long Time No Post

2007-04-03T08:33:00.000+01:00

Apologies for it being so long since my last post. I've been so busy for the past couple of weeks I've barely had any time to myself. My spare time, or what's left of it, has been mostly spent resting and trying to keep on top of the housework; I'm failing miserably with the latter.

Why so busy? Well, I've been spending more and more time at the hospital. Francis now breastfeeds on demand during the day and is only tube-fed at night, so obviously I have to be there to provide milk on tap. Getting breastfeeding established is hard work, especially with a premature baby, but Francis and I are getting the hang of it. I must be doing something right as he now weighs 4lb. I don't think it will be too long before they stop his tube feeds completely, which is the final hurdle before we can bring him home. The medical staff are having a discharge meeting today so watch this space - I may have some very good news for you later today :o)

I'm still expressing to maintain my supply and to remove all the excess milk. And there's a LOT of it - I have my own shelf in the SCBU's industrial-sized freezer and one of the nurses calls me Daisy. I remember Fliss once mentioning that when my milk comes in I'd turn into Jordan. I laughed this off at the time. It was only when I went to M&S to buy a nursing bra that it became apparent that my body had taken this literally and I could probably give Jordan a run for her money. The largest cup size M&S do is G and the assistant's cries of "Blimey! You can JUST get in that can't you?!" made me think that I might just need a larger size. I had no choice but to buy the G-cups, but my next port of call will be Bravissimo - I'm sure they can provide me with a nursing bra that I can get into without the use of a shoehorn.

The DIY on the living room is progressing quite nicely. All the hard work is finished and it just needs a lick of paint and some wallpaper and we're good to go! Once that is finished, the rest of the house can be rejigged for Francis' homecoming. The DIY room will be our living room, the current living room will become the dining-room-stroke-office and the office will be transformed into a nursery for Francis. There were times when I thought we'd never get to this stage, but Graeme has worked extremely hard in some very difficult circumstances to make sure that everything is sorted. I just hope Francis appreciates everything his Daddy has done!

Lisa xxx

Good News and Thank Yous

2007-03-20T09:20:00.000Z

Apart from the worry of my Granda being in hospital, it's been quite a nice few days.

On Sunday I had my first ever Mothers Day and was lucky enough to get not one, but TWO cards from Francis! One came courtesy of the SCBU staff who left it on top of Francis' incubator for me to find. I didn't get the start to Mothers Day I was hoping for - no breakfast in bed for me! I was up long before Graeme to express breast milk and then decided to go back to bed to catch up on my sleep. As the day went on I was convinced Graeme had forgotten it was Mothers Day and began wondering if he really was insensitive enough to not have bought me a card. I didn't think he was and thought that maybe he'd just forgotten to give it to me. When I asked him, he said I'd have to wait until I saw Francis before I could get my card, which had me thinking again that maybe he'd not bought one and would be having a sly trip to the shops later that day. As it turns out, he had bought one, along with a lovely box of chocs and cute teddy. I felt bad for ever doubting him, but then it wouldn't have been the first time he'd forgotten something like this. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt next time ;o)

On Monday we were thrilled to find that Francis has been promoted from incubator to cot! It makes such a difference to our visits not having a plastic barrier between us and him. I never was fond of having to open a little hatch just so that I could touch my baby. As well as the excitement of Francis now being in a cot, we discovered he is also developing his sucking reflex when he grabbed my finger, shoved it in his mouth and started sucking my knuckle! His Nurse was gobsmacked and suggested we try him on the breast to see if he took to it. He latched on straightaway, but could only manage about 3 sucks before falling off :o) His Nurse said he just needs some practise and he'll get better at it as his reflex becomes stronger. I actually felt like a proper Mummy, what with the breastfeeding and changing nappies (which we had to do twice as he pooed in the clean one about 30 seconds after we'd changed him). It's just a shame my first experience of these is in a hospital ward and not my own home.

Yesterday, Graeme was in London on a business trip so I made my own way to the hospital on the bus. It took me forever and I was carrying so much stuff I was exhausted by the time I got there. It was worth it though, as when I arrived at the SCBU I was met in the corridor by a Nurse who told me Francis had been transferred to the low dependency nursery! No more ECG leads, sats probe or monitors. To have Francis moved here so quickly is more than I could ever have hoped for. I sent Graeme a text to let him know and when he arrived later that evening he was absolutely beaming.

So it's all up to Francis now. He needs to be weaned off his tube feeds onto the breast, and has to put on weight. Once both of those boxes are ticked he'll be able to come home! I hate leaving him at the hospital, but as Graeme keeps reminding me, each day we leave him is one day closer to bringing him home.

Before I go, I'd just like to say a GREAT BIG THANK YOU to everyone for the cards, gifts, emails, texts and money that they have sent for Francis' birth. It means so much to us knowing that so many people care, especially as we're so far away from our famiy. I have the feeling Francis is going to be very popular when we eventually take him to visit everybody!

Lisa xxx

Happy Birthday Dad

2007-03-18T12:23:00.000Z

It's my Dad's birthday today, his first as a Granda! We had to nip out last week and do some last minute shopping on Francis' behalf, as he'd not bought his Granda a card or present! It wasn't Francis' fault really; after all, he wasn't expecting to be here for another two months!

Have a great day Dad and hope to see you soon!

Lisa, Graeme & Francis xxx

Get Well Soon Granda

2007-03-18T11:40:00.000Z

It seems that the powers that be have decided I don't have quite enough stress in my life at the moment.

My Granda has been admitted to hospital. He's very poorly, but is thankfully in a stable conditon at the moment. Under normal circumstances I'd have been on the first train back to the North East to visit him, but, with Francis being in hospital, that's just impossible at the moment. I'm starting to appreciate how awful it was for my family being stuck 200 miles away when I was in hospital - it makes things so much harder to cope with.

So, get well soon Granda. I'm so sorry we can't all be there with you, but Mam says you understand. As soon as Francis is out of hospital we'll bring him to see you - you're first on the list for a cuddle!

Lots of love,

Lisa, Graeme & Francis xxx

On the Mend

2007-03-16T11:49:00.000Z

Yes folks, they finally let me out of hospital on Monday. My platelet count had returned to normal showing that my HELLP Syndrome had subsided and I was out of danger. Given that I'd never really felt ill in the first place it was strange being told I was "well" enough to go home. I'll spare you the birth story as it was very traumatic and I don't feel that this website is the right place for it. I have written about it elsewhere, so, if you're interested let me know and I'll send you the link.

It wasn't pleasant coming home no longer pregnant but minus the baby. As soon I was through the front door and clapped eyes on all the baby things we'd bought and received as gifts from family, I burst into tears. The whole situation seemed so desperately unfair to me. Why me? What had I done to deserve this? I'd been on a ward with a mother who referred to her 1-day-old as a "divvy" and repeatedly told the baby to shut up - why did she get to take her baby home, yet I had to leave mine behind?

Thankfully, I seem to be over the worst now. I've not cried for a couple of days and the trauma of last week is fast becoming just a painful memory. I'm also on the mend physically. I don't need painkillers any more and can move around pretty much normally, although I am noticably slower than I used to be. I can just about manage to walk at little old lady pace - anything more than that is pushing it! I'm still on antihypertensives for my high blood pressure and have to take iron tablets for anaemia, but I can live with that. Both myself and Francis have come out of this in one piece and not a day goes by that I am not thankful for that.

So what of Francis? Well, I have some good news! He's now tolerating full feeds so has had his drip removed! That's one less tube for Graeme and I to worry about pulling out next time we change his nappy. Also, the nurses think he may well be out of the incubator by the end of the week. Never in my wildest dreams did I think he'd make such remarkable progress - even the doctors are amazed at how well he is doing. If he carries on at this rate we'll have him home where he belongs in no time at all.

Lisa xxx

Lisa let out for good behaviour

2007-03-11T22:13:00.000Z

Or possibly because of normal blood results, but that is nowhere near as amusing. The doctors have given her the all clear, and she should be home tomorrow.

Francis is still going strong, although his jaundice still remains. His biliruben levels went up above the safe limit again, so they've put him back on the sunbed. Hopefully, he shouldn't be on there for long before he's back to his not-yellow self.

There are some new pictures in the gallery, with a few blue-o-vision ones from the sunbed. Check out Francis' little sunglasses. They gave us the pair he was wearing last time he was on the sunbed, so we can take the mickey when he's older.

Out of intensive care!

2007-03-10T22:15:00.000Z

We were delighted today to find Francis had been moved out of intensive care, into the high dependency nursery. It's great to be able to sit with him, without the constant beeping and whirring of a million machines going off all the time. He's still in an incubator, but hopefully soon he'll be able to progress to a cot, and perhaps at some point he'll be moved into the normal nursery, and we can start to take over a lot of his care.

He also had a visit today from Uncle Paul and Aunty Becky, and Lisa was treat to a visit from some of her university friends. It's always fun to sit in a ward with 4 student nurses, listening to them bitch and whine about hospital things.

So hopefully tomorrow will be Lisa's last day in hospital, and I can get her home on monday. It does mean that I need to finish clearing the house. Francis decided he wanted to arrive just as I'd decided to destroy the house... typical!

And special apologies to everyone I didn't directly tell about this weeks action. Apart from the fact that this week has completely obliterated part of my brain, I sort of relied on the fact that everybody I've ever met reads this blog :) I guess I just assume that because I write it down here, everybody in the world reads it :) Anyway, I have popped into work on several occasions to collect things, and sort things out, but I've only ever directly stopped to talk to people who walked past me in the corridoor. I've always been rushing around, trying to get stuff done quickly, so that I could get on back to the hospital!

Anyway, things should settle down soon, and we can get used to our new life.

Quick update on Lisa and Francis

2007-03-09T21:21:00.000Z

What a week...

It's now 3 days since Francis was born, and both him and Lisa are doing fine. He had a little episode on wednesday night where he started having a little bit of trouble breathing, so they put him on a ventilator to give him a hand. He was taken off it at 8pm on thursday and has been doing fine ever since. When we went in to visit him tonight, they'd put him in a little sleep suit which made him look even more like a proper little baby. We spent a lovely couple of hours just holding him, and watching him squirm and snort. Hopefully, he'll get along well enough over the next few days that they'll move him into one of the lower dependency nurseries, where we can get involved even more!

Lisa has been moved onto the normal maternity ward now, and is hopefully going to be discharged on monday, provided her bp and blood tests all come showing that she is on the mend. We found out that what she had actually had was HELLP syndrome, which is a potentially fatal form of pre-eclampsia. We were so lucky that the community midwife sent Lisa into the hospital when she did, as Lisa had only the slightest of symptoms for pre-eclampsia, and it meant that we were in the hospital just as it started to turn ugly, and so the doctors could get the baby out just before any damage was done to either of them.

She's still in a lot of pain from the c-section, and is having all the usual emotional struggles which go with birth normally, and also the trauma of the speed of what happened, and also the way it happened. Today was a good day for her I thought, with her seeming quite happy at the end of it, after spending several hours happily with Francis.

I've added some more pictures to Francis' gallery, so have a look!

Francis James Thornton

2007-03-07T00:37:00.000Z

At 12:18pm on 6th March, 2007, Lisa gave birth to Francis James Thornton by emergency c-section. Both mother and baby are doing really well. Francis weighed 3lb 3oz, but seems to be doing brilliantly. He has been breathing on his own from the word go, and has been generating lots of positive comments from the SCBU staff all day.

I'm too tired at the minute to write a full account of the day, so I'll save that for later.

An Update On Lisa

2007-03-06T00:27:00.000Z

Just a quick status report, for anybody following the story...

We've had a hectic few days, with Lisa being transferred to a high dependency ward due to her escalating blood pressure. They've started her on some medication which has got it down to human levels, and they're happy with her current condition. The consultant saw us this morning and did an ultrasound of the baby. He happily declared that the baby was actually not small, and infact the correct size for his age. This was a major relief for both of us, as we can now be happy that even with his premature delivery, he'll still be a good weight, and have the best chance of getting through!

As long as Lisa's BP and bloods stay sensible tonight, she should be transferred back onto the maternity ward tomorrow, where she'll most probably spend the next couple of weeks, until the inevitable c-section happens. We're still not 100% sure of when it's going to happen, just that as long as her tests all keep coming back clean, they'll leave him be. As soon as there is anything that suggests that either of their health is at risk, he'll be delivered. The consultant seemed to think that we could get to 33-34 weeks if we're lucky, which would be brilliant, but we should also be prepared for him to arrive tomorrow!

In preparation for his arrival, we got to have a look around the Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU - pronounced Scuboo), where they take all the premature babies and keep them until they're developed enough to go home. It was brilliant seeing all the little babies in cots and incubators. Lisa commented on how it really helped her to see babies much younger than ours (born at 24-28 weeks) doing really well. Once he's born, he'll be in there for several weeks I guess, but we get 24 access to the unit to stay with him.

So hopefully, this tale is looking like it will have a happy ending :)

A Change Of Plan

2007-03-02T21:36:00.000Z

What a couple of days... Where to start!

On thursday, Lisa went for her community midwife appointment. It was just a normal checkup at our GPs surgery, to check her progress. Her blood pressure was quite high, and a urine test showed some traces of protein. This, in conjunction with some other symptoms, made the midwife think that it would be best if she went to the hospital to have some further tests. So I was summoned from work, and met her at the hospital where we went through some further blood pressure monitoring, and some blood tests. Her BP was still quite high, so we were given an ultrasound, which showed that a couple of the babys measurements were a little low. After some deliberation, the assement unit midwives decided that Lisa should be admitted to the maternity ward so that they could keep a closer eye on her for a couple of days.

She went into the ward at about 5pm on thursday night, where she's been monitored more closely, whilst also collecting gallons of wee for various tests. At lunchtime today I decided to nip out for some lunch, and to do some errands. Of course, by sods law, the doctor came in to see her 5 minutes after I left and gave her a rather unnerving diagnosis, which has changed our plans for the next few weeks quite considerably.

Basically, Lisa has been diagnosed with (not sure if it's official yet though) pre-eclampsia. This basically means that her high blood pressure is causing problems for the baby and his growth, and the only cure is to deliver the baby. The consultant explained all of this, and has basically said that we won't be going full term, and the baby will have to be delivered by cesarian section at some point in the near future. I'm not exactly sure what determines when he'll have to be forcably ejected, but they said it could happen tomorrow, or in 2 weeks, or 4 weeks. She should be able to leave the hospital tomorrow, but will be under close observation by the community midwife.

Whatever the trigger is that has us being rushed to theatre, baby will be spending the rest of the normal term living in an incubator in the hospital. As it stands, he could be anything from 31 weeks when he arrives, so he's going to have a really good chance. With any luck he'll last another few weeks, provided that the doctors think he's ok in there, and should have no problems when he comes out.

So all our original plans of having him home after the birth are left in tatters. We'd made all our plans around him being born at the right time, and then us taking him home several hours later. As it stands, we're going to be spending time with him in the special care baby unit for a few weeks, and Lisa is going to be back on the ward for a little while after the delivery, recovering from the operation. As you can imagine, not at all how we wanted this to go :(

But in the end, the best thing will be done for all concerned, and the prognosis is good for both mother, baby, and my sanity! The important thing is that this problem has been caught early, and both Lisa and baby are in the best possibly place they could be to make sure they both come through this well! I've now got to contend with fixing this crummy house up in double time, and washing my own underpants for a few weeks. With any luck, Lisa will be back at home tomorrow, and no doubt loaded with more information to share.

Phew...

Graeme

Be Prepared

2007-02-27T13:31:00.000Z

Our scare last week has put the frighteners on us a bit. It's made us realise that in pregnancy you should expect the unexpected. Graeme admitted to me it had crossed his mind that, had something gone wrong as a result of my fall, we may well have welcomed our son into the world that very day, totally unprepared for my admission to hospital. After a chat, we decided that it's high time I started putting my hospital bag together.

So, yesterday, armed with a rather scary-looking list and some Boots vouchers, I went shopping to stock up on supplies. I never thought I'd see the day when I'd be buying disposable knickers, but I now have 2 boxes. It was a surprisingly successful trip and I managed to get most of the things on my list. I did take longer than expected as I had no idea that there were so many varieties of breast pads and nipple cream and I spent a great deal of time just staring at the shelves in an abject state of confusion. One thing I have definitely learned so far is that expectant mums are spoilt for choice!

Lisa xxx

Caught By The Fuzz

2007-02-25T10:29:00.000Z

We went to our local Showcase Cinema last night to see the latest Simon Pegg film, Hot Fuzz. I was fully prepared not to like it, having not particularly enjoyed Mr Pegg's previous effort, Shaun of the Dead, but I'd promised Graeme that we'd go and see it. I was also fully prepared to fall asleep during the film, as I was suffering quite badly from exhaustion and going to the cinema was not very high on my list of Things I Really Want To Do Right Now.

In the end, I was surprised that I neither fell asleep nor hated the film. I actually really enjoyed it. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say I loved it. I'm not usually a big fan of comedy films, but Hot Fuzz had me laughing out loud. Even when not laughing I found myself smirking at the ridiculousness of the events unfolding on the screen, wondering what bizarre turn of events would come next. Just when I thought I'd seen it all, and things couldn't get any stranger, something even sillier would happen. It's not often a film manages to be both daft and intelligent, but Hot Fuzz is exactly that. And, unlike most of the "comedy" films I've sat through recently, it's actually funny. And it's British. Hurrah.

Lisa xxx

Lisa Takes A Tumble

2007-02-22T22:11:00.000Z

We had a bit of a scare today which resulted in me going to hospital to be monitored in the pregnancy assessment unit.

While carrying the laundry basket down the stairs I somehow managed to lose my footing, slip and go skidding down the stairs. Having no hands free to grab the bannister to save myself, I tried to break my fall with my left elbow but still managed to land rather awkwardly on my bum and lower back. The pain in my elbow was intense but that wasn't what bothered me. My only thoughts were for Baby T and what damage I may have done. Graeme came flying down the stairs like a bat out of hell, to find me still lying there in a crumpled heap, too shocked and scared to move. After the initial fright wore off, I burst into tears. Graeme helped me up and took me to the sofa, by which point I was inconsolable.

Once I'd managed to stop crying, Graeme suggested that I ring my Midwife for advice, so I got straight on the phone. It took a couple of attempts, but I eventually got through and after explaining what had happened I was told to ring the assessment unit at the hospital. After hearing that I have a rhesus negative blood type, the assessment unit said I would definitely have to go in to be checked out, as, if I'd had a bleed, I may need another injection of Anti-D.

By this point I was a nervous wreck. I could feel Baby T moving around a bit, but I was doing a good job of convincing myself that something was very wrong. I had visions of all sorts of terrible situations running through my head and just wanted to get the assessment over with. After what felt like an incredibly long drive to the hospital and getting a bit lost once we were in there, we eventually arrived at the assessment unit and were told to take a seat in the waiting area. Although everyone else in there was complaining that it was freezing, I felt very hot and flushed, which I knew was my nerves getting the better of me. The wait seemed to last for hours and when we were called through I practically leapt out of my seat, desperate to find out if Baby T was OK.

The Midwife was very reassuring and said that it was unlikely that any damage had been done as I'd not landed on my abdomen, but a full check would just make sure of that. I was hooked up to a fetal monitor which measured Baby T's heart rate and signs of my abdomen stretching, while I was told to press a button every time I felt him move. The midwife said the monitor should give us the all clear within 10 minutes. We were left alone while the Midwife went off to update my notes. We could hear the hearbeat coming through good and strong and the heart rate was fine, so I immediately relaxed and concentrated on monitoring Baby's movement. Unfortunately, Baby seemed to choose this time to tone down his activity levels and it took 18 minutes, not 10, for us to be certified as OK. He did give some good strong kicks though, so I knew he was OK and felt that maybe all the stress had tired him out a bit! After checking the information gathered by the monitor, the Midwife told us everything was fine and we were free to leave.

Even now, several hours later, I'm still in a bit of shock. It was strange that something as trivial as a fall suddenly took on a whole new meaning because I've got a baby inside of me. I can't ever remember being more worried than I was after that fall, and I'm sure this was just the first in a long line of worries that Baby T will give me in the years to come.

Lisa xxx

PS - I am going to be soooooo sore in the morning!

Gallery: New Albums Added

2007-02-19T12:08:00.000Z

From a lack of anything better to do, I've been uploading some more photos to our gallery.

There is now an album for my cousin Wendy's wedding, a Bump gallery in the baby album where you can gaze in wonder at my ever-growing belly, and a Running album, containing pictures from various runs that Graeme and I have taken part in (or at least it will do soon, once I get round to uploading them all).

Enjoy!

Lisa xxx

Max and Xena Photos Added

2007-02-18T12:17:00.000Z

I've added some more pictures of Max and Xena to the gallery, as I didn't think 6 photos did them justice. So now you get to marvel at ten times that many pictures, you lucky people.

Lisa xxx

Appointments Galore

2007-02-17T12:21:00.000Z

On Thursday I had my 28-week check up with the Community Midwife at my GP surgery. As usual, the clinic was running late and I was over half an hour late getting in for my appointment. For the first time, there was a Student Midwife present and my Midwife asked if it was OK for the Student to do all of my checks. Being a Student Nurse myself, I know how important it is to gain experience, so of course I said that was fine. While the student took my BP, I told the Midwife how crappy I was feeling, mainly because of the situation at university regarding lack of support in getting my maternity leave sorted. My anxiety levels are through the roof and, depsite getting lots of rest, I'm tired all the time. Scarily, my BP was 150/100, but I was feeling very tense so they decided to give me a chance to relax and would recheck it before I left.

The Student checked my abdomen, but had to ask the Midwife for help as she couldn't decide if she'd found Baby T's head or his bum! It turned out to be his head and it seems he is still in the breech position that he was in at the weekend. The Student found the heartbeat straightaway and I was surprised at how clear it was. Without even looking up from her desk, the Midwife said the heartbeat sounded great, which, as usual, was a relief to hear. Apparently I'm measuring slightly big for my dates, but the Midwife wasn't worried and doesn't think I'm going to have a large baby. That was music to my ears!

Because of some shocking swelling in my legs and a couple of other symptoms, the Midwife decided to check my urine to make sure that I don't have pre-eclampsia. After giving me an incredibly small sample pot, that I'm sure would have been more useful for collecting pixie pee, I was told to go off and wee. Weeing was not a problem; my bladder has been reduced to the size of a thimble in recent weeks, so the need to wee is pretty much constant. Weeing into the pot, however, was nigh on impossible and I ended up pissing all over my hands. Ah, the joys of pregnancy. Still, I managed to get enough into the pot to warrant a decent sample and set about vigorously scrubbing my hands before my return to the Midwife.

After all that, my urine tested negative for protein. As an extra bonus, my BP had returned to normal and I was given the all clear. I was made to promise that I would look after myself and to call the Midwife if I felt that I needed any extra support.

The next morning I had an appointment with my cohort leader at university to discuss my maternity leave. She was incredibly nice to me and was sympathetic to my situation. She also expressed disbelief that I'd even been on sick leave as I looked so tired. She assured me that everything was in hand and that as long as I kept my sick notes up to date I wouldn't lose any bursary and that my maternity leave will start 4 weeks before my due date. I signed the necessary paperwork and was told that the university would take care of everything else. I remain apprehensive about this as the university has a track record of not knowing its arse from its elbow. My friend Keely was mistakenly kicked off the course earlier this year which caused her quite a bit of distress, so I won't be entirely surprised if something goes wrong for me. Assuming all goes well, that's it for me and university until March 2008 when I'll be starting my 2nd year again (and all my friends will be 6 months away from qualifying!). I did have the option to go back in September, but by then Baby T will only be 4 months old and I felt that was far too soon to be putting him in daycare. I don't mind admitting that I'm a bit sad about taking a year out as I really love nursing, but I'm sure bringing Baby T into the world will more than make up for this.

Later that day I had to attend Liverpool Women's Hospital to have an injection of Anti-D, due to me having Rhesus negative blood. Despite having to make my own way there on the bus, I arrived in good time for my appointment and was pleased to see that the waiting area wasn't too busy. I plonked myself down next to a TV which was playing some sort of campaign DVD, but as it was all in a foreign language I didn't have a clue what it was about. At first. If I'd known I was going to be waiting there long enough to hear how dreadful domestic violence is, in every language used in the Northern Hemisphere, I probably would have sat elsewhere.

My appointment was at 3pm, but as time dragged on I began wishing I'd got there late. Or at least brought a book to read. I even thought they may have forgotten about me. It was after 4pm by the time my name was called so I was quite alarmed when the Midwife told me that it wasn't actually her who was running the clinic, but that she'd just agreed to take a couple of patients to speed things up a bit. If that was their idea of speeding things up, I'd hate to be there when they're really pressed for time. She took a blood sample to test for antibodies and anaemia and then got the injection ready.

Now, I'm OK when it comes to needles. I don't mind the sight of sharp things coming toward me. However, in this case even I was a bit apprehensive. I've given injections before and never have I seen such a large dose in a syringe. There was a lot of liquid in that syringe and all of it had to go into my arm. I had the feeling it was going to hurt. I was right. I felt every last drop being forced into my muscle and immediately began to worry about coming back for my next dose. So I was relieved to hear that this would be the only such injection I would need due a recent change in the way the medication is given. Hurrah! No more nasty Anti-D for me until after the birth, by which point I'm sure I won't give a toss what they're injecting me with.

I was due to meet some friends for a drink at around 5:30pm so I hopped on a bus to town and wandered about for a while. When my pregnant legs had had enough I grabbed a magazine and holed up in Starbucks for an hour before heading to the pub. There were quite a few people there and it was nice to have a chat and to just be somewhere other than languishing in the house. Unfortunately, the more drunk everybody got, the less energy I had to be bothered with them and by 8:30pm languishing in the house was starting to look mighty appealing. By 9pm, that's exactly what I was doing.

All the excitement of the past couple of days has left me feeling pretty much spent (when you're pregnant, it doesn't take much!), so I'm under strict instructions from Graeme to get plenty of rest today. He's busy laying the floor in the living room (with a nail gun - *shudder*) and I plan on doing as little as possible. I'm going to lap up this time while I can, because in a few months my world is going to be turned upside down and I'll probably have forgotten what rest is!

Lisa xxx

Home Sweep Home

2007-02-14T17:34:00.000Z

I've just had a phonecall from my Mam telling me that Sweep, minus a leg, is back at home. This was such a relief to hear, as Sweep isn't a young cat and I was quite worried that he wouldn't make it through the operation. He's apparently feeling very sorry for himself, but then I'm sure we all would if somebody removed one of our limbs without telling us. Mam said the wound looks absolutely horrendous, but the vet assured her it looks much worse than it is and that Sweep will be back on his feet in no time.

An x-ray showed that his kneecap had completely crumbled, so amputation really was the only option. Mam has to keep a close eye on him for the next 48 hours and he has to go back to the vets tomorrow for a check up, but it looks like he's going to make a complete recovery.

Get well soon Sweep.

Lisa xxx

Surgery for Sweep

2007-02-14T12:20:00.000Z

I've just heard from my sister Rachel that Sweep, one of the family cats, needs one of his legs amputated. I'm not entirely sure what the problem is, but he has been having trouble with his leg for a couple of weeks and I know the vet has exhausted every line of enquiry. I just never expected it to be so serious that he'd lose his entire leg! Poor little bugger.

Anyway, that's all I know at this stage. I'll update with more news as soon as I get it.

Lisa xxx

Babybonding

2007-02-13T11:19:00.000Z

Last Thursday night, just before I went off to do some painting in the front room, Lisa surprised me with a little card, telling me that we were going to Manchester on Saturday, for a one of those fancy 4D scans of our baby. We'd talked about this previously, and although we'd both decided it was a nice idea, it just sort of evaporated, and I thought that the chance had passed. As an early valentines day present, Lisa had booked us in at Babybond, a franchised ultrasound place, for the full 4D treatment! I must admit, I was completely gobsmacked at the time, having forgotten all about it! It was a lovely thought, and I suddenly found myself really looking forward to the weekend!

We set of early on Saturday, as the weather had been really bad over the previous couple of days, and we didn't want to get stuck in the snow or anything stupid like that. We arrived outside Babybond at about 9.30, and our appointment wasn't until 10. The place itself was nothing like what I was expecting. It looked more like a normal shop than a "medical" facility, and quite alarmingly, had it's shutters down when we arrived. The shutters stayed shut until about 10:05, which caused a certain amount of panic between us as we sat in the car, waiting for somebody to arrive.

Eventually, somebody turned up and opened shop. We plodded in, and took a seat in the waiting area while we waited for the sonographer to arrive. The reception man was very nice, and offered us a cuppa while we waited, and some obligatory forms to sign. The sonographer eventually arrived, and we were lead through to the scanning room. Compared to the very "practical" scanning rooms in the hospital where we had our normal scans done, the Babybond room was very swish. Instead of being quite small, with crappy plastic chairs, the room was reasonably big, with nice sofas. The output of the ultrasound machine was projected up onto the wall facing the bed, so we could get a good, if slightly blurry look at the scans that were being taken.

The sonographer did a little bit of exploration to find the position and orientation of baby with a normal ultrasound scan, and then, as if by magic, she flipped into the full 3D view of the baby. It was quite astonishing really, to see this picture of the baby blasted up on the screen in front of us. We could see that he was in an "extended breech position", which meant that he was upright (head at the top, bum at the bottom) but with at least one of his legs sticking right up, so that is was touching his head. We're not quite sure whether this is a normal thing, but I'm sure the midwife will be able to tell us more about it when we see her next!

So we spent about 10-15 minutes watching the sonographer moving around him, and watching him move around and squirm. It was amazing watching him wiggle around and making faces, and I think it was probably even better for Lisa, as she could actually feel him moving as well, so she could link what she was seeing to what she could feel. Our packaged came with a 6 minute DVD of the scan, recorded with music of our choice over the top. I don't know the exact name of the tune Lisa picked, so I'll find out and update this post later!

After we were done, we picked up our goody bag, and set off home. We spend the rest of the day in and out of B&Q, and eating stuffed crust pizzas in Pizza Hut. What more could you want from a day :)

All in all, it was an amazing experience, and I'm really glad we did it. Lots of people have told me that it's probably a waste of money, as once the baby has arrived, it'll just go in a draw and never be seen again. But for us, right now, it was a brilliant way to see exactly what was going on in there, and see the face of our baby for the first time. We couldn't decide if he looks like anyone yet, but he's certainly shown he can be photogenic when he wants to be. We took some screen grabs of the movie and put them in the gallery, here. We've also ripped the movie to an mpeg, and once I've found out how to reduce it size from it's current mighty 100MB to something more manageably, I'll upload that as well! Watch this space.

Anyway, enough rambling. It was a brilliant day, and an experience which you don't get to do very often in your life, and not one I'll forget very quickly!

Meet Baby T!

2007-02-12T12:24:00.000Z

On Saturday we went to Manchester to have a 4D scan of Baby T. Here he is in all his glory!

You can see more pictures in the gallery. Graeme will be posting the full story and complete DVD footage soon.

Lisa xxx

Happy Birthday Granda!

2007-02-08T09:28:00.000Z

It's my Granda's birthday today!

Hope you have a lovely day and that you got my card!

(Of course, he doesn't have a computer so won't be able to see this, but I'm sure someone will tell him!)

The Beginning of the End!

2007-02-05T14:37:00.000Z

Yesterday I reached the heady heights of 27 weeks pregnant and as usual, followed my weekly tradition of reading the relevant section of "Your Pregnancy Bible" to see what my body and the baby are up to. I was quite shocked to read that 27 weeks marks the end of the second trimester. How did that happen? Here's me thinking that I've got aaaaaaaages before Baby T arrives and suddenly I'm on the home stretch! I suppose that this is as good a time as any for an update. Just how am I feeling now that I've entered my final phase of pregnancy?

Well, I'm still tired, but as I'm also still on sick leave I'm managing to cope. My energy levels are much better than they were, though I find it incredibly easy to overdo it and leave myself knackered for a couple of days. For example, Graeme and I went to Tom's housewarming party on Saturday night (great flat Tom!) and, although I stuck to pop and was in bed by 1am, I was absolutely exhausted the following day. Throughout the party I had to take regular rest breaks to ease the pain in my back, even though the most strenuous thing I did at the party was stand and chat. I felt like a right party pooper sat on the sofa on my own, but I really did feel that if I didn't rest, my back would snap in half. I also get some pain in my knees and my hips, sometimes so bad I can't walk, but this is helped with plenty of rest so as long as I don't do anything too physical I should make it through the next 3 months in one piece.

My bump has grown quite alarmingly this week and all my regular t-shirts are now confined to the scrap heap, although temporarily. I'm now sporting a new(ish) array of maternity tops courtesy of eBay and have discovered that Lycra is a truly wonderful invention. I'm trying to pluck up the courage to go to Marks and Spencer to get properly measured for some decent bras, but I really do shudder to think what size I am now! Despite this, and the fact that I am eating like a complete pig, I've only put on 8lbs so far, but I'm convinced my chocolate craving is going to catch up with me very soon. If I'd known how much Cadbury's Dairy Milk I'd be eating, I'd have bought shares in the company.

My nesting instinct has kicked in and the house is looking better than it has in months. I've never been so on the ball with my housework. Graeme is doing some nesting of his own, trying to make our living room habitable in time for Baby T's arrival. He's doing a wonderful job. Most of the heavy work is done now and it's mainly cosmetic jobs that are left. It's a shame that I'll not be able to help him as much as I'd like - no going up ladders for me! - but I'm going to do as much as I can. He's worked bloody hard and deserves some help. Maybe I can paint the skirting board. Or something.

As for Baby T, he appears to be doing just fine. He's an active little so-and-so at the best of times, but seems to reserve his most active gymnastics for when I'm trying to rest. I really hope this isn't a sign of things to come. Not only can I feel him moving about, I can actually see it! It really is a truly weird experience watching your stomach moving of its own accord and knowing that there's someone in there. I'm sure I'm not the first one to liken this to John Hurt's experience in Alien, though I am hoping that labour will be a slightly more pleasant experience. Bring on the pethidine.

So what now? I'm still waiting to hear from my personal tutor about organising my maternity leave and tomorrow I have an appointment with my GP to get signed off sick again. Next week, I have my 28-week check and, because my blood is rhesus negative (Yes folks - I'm special!), a hospital appointment for an anti-D injection . In the meantime, we'll press on with the living room and then start rejigging the rest of the house to make room for Baby. And now that I'm in the third trimester, we really need to get our skates on!

Lisa xxx

Admitting Defeat

2007-01-26T12:38:00.000Z

Well, the exhaustion has finally caught up with me.

Yesterday I must have looked pretty awful because I was sent home from placement. It was weird coming home and getting into bed at 9:30 in the morning, but I have never been so glad to see my bed in my life. I'd been on the late shift the day before and then slept very badly that night, so really wasn't in the mood to throw myself into work with gusto. After having a cup of tea and a teacake (Thanks Graeme) I slept until lunch time when I had no choice but to get up to go to my latest midwife appointment. Graeme, being the New Man that he is, came with me.

I told my Midwife how awful I was feeling and she was very sympathetic. She took some blood to test for anaemia and told me to think about how I felt about carrying on with my course. Obviously I do want to carry on, but not at the expense of my own well-being. And I've got Baby T to think about now - I'm sure he doesn't want me running myself into the ground. If I had a job I'd just take some annual leave or cut down on my shifts, but students don't have that luxury.

It was then time to check my abdomen (which was "fine" apparently) and listen to Baby T's heartbeat. This is where things became difficult. The Midwife tried high and low to find the heartbeat. Nothing. She tried at the sides. Nothing. She tried high and low again. Still nothing. I wasn't worried - Baby had just been kicking the living daylights out of me while I sat in the waiting room. Obviously Baby T is just a fidgety little bugger like his Dad. After smearing yet more of that gel stuff on my belly, the Midwife had another go. Success! Baby T's heartbeat was coming through loud and clear (at 148bpm if anyone's interested). I was then given a rather inadequate amount of tissue to wipe all the gunk from my belly. A full roll of Charmin would have been more appropriate.

After giving me some information about local antenatal classes, I was sent on my merry way.

Later that day I saw my GP. I came away with a sick note for one week off and a prescription for a mega bottle of Gaviscon to rid me of my heartburn. Now I'm just waiting to chat to my personal tutor and see how the land lies. If possible I'd like to hop off the course now and start my second year again at a later date. I really don't think I'm getting much out of my studies at the moment - my heart just isn't in it. I can't imagine working anywhere near as hard as I did in my first year. I amazed myself at how organised I was - "organised" is now a swear word as far as I'm concerned. I used to do all sorts of extra work on my days off and I reaped the rewards at the end of the year by getting great results. I thrived on all the extra learning that I did. Now, I'd much rather be sleeping than in the library studying and I'm not going to get very far feeling like that, am I?

Lisa xxx

Carry On Nursing?

2007-01-21T16:23:00.000Z

I must warn you. I am about to have a rant. A pregnant rant. It will not be pretty.

I've been back at university for over 2 weeks now after having 3 weeks on sick leave and 2 weeks of Christmas holidays. I have to say that I do like being busy every day. Having a reason to leave the house each morning (or each lunchtime, depending what shift I am doing) is great. I tend to get a bit stir crazy being cooped up all day with nothing better to do than the washing and ironing. However, there is one aspect of all the busying around that is just not agreeing with me - and that is the fact that I am absolutely exhausted.

I am not new to shift work. I've been a student nurse for well over a year now and most of my placements have involved getting up at some ungodly hour while it's still pitch black outside. Up to now, it has never bothered me in the slightest. In fact, I always quite liked the early starts. Of course, up to now I've not been 25 weeks pregnant.

The past two weeks I have been on placement on a rather busy surgical ward. Shifts start at 7:15am so I set the alarm for 6am. By 8am I'm helping the patients get washed and changed, making beds and running round trying to find an obs machine that actually works so I can take everyone's blood pressure to make sure that nobody is about to expire. Depending on which staff are on, my break time is anything from as early as 9:30 to as late as 1pm. This means I'm not getting regular meals so my blood sugar must be up and down like a yo-yo. At 12pm it's time to give the patient's their lunch and to finish off any jobs that weren't done throught the morning (which is usually the obs because the machines keep conking out). By about 1pm there's a bit of a lull as all the heavy work has been done and the nurses get on with writing up notes and handing over to the late shift. I manage to snatch a bit of a sit down while this is going on, as by this point I'm really feeling the strain of having been on my feet for so long. I'm hot and bothered, absolutely shattered, aching all over, my right leg usually feels like it's going to drop off at the hip and my feet are so swollen they're practically bursting out of my shoes. I am absolutely gagging for lie down in a darkened room with a sign on the door that reads "Do Not Disturb on Pain of Death". Or words to that effect. Unfortunately, my much-needed rest is often cut short as it usually falls to the students to answer the patients' buzzers (and some of those patients are extremely buzzer-happy) as the staff often suffer a bout of extreme deafness in the early afternoon. Funny that.

After running around like a headless chicken for the best part of 8 hours I think I can be forgiven for being a little tired. After getting home and just about having the energy to remove my uniform and shove it in the washing machine to massacre any hospital superbugs I've picked up, I'll be damned if I am going to do anything else for the rest of the day. And usually, I don't. I lie down with my feet up to try to rid my legs of the oedema (that's fluid for you non-nursey types) that has built up over the course of the shift. Until I started this placement I did not think it was possible for a woman of my build to have the legs of an African Elephant, but this appears to be what has happened. "Cankles" are not an urban myth.

Last year, after finishing placement, I would often come home, cook a lovely evening meal and have it ready for Graeme getting home from work. I absolutely loved making something from scratch. Not any more. Cookery in all it's forms is no longer part of my life. I simply cannot be bothered. Even when I can be bothered my body is so stiff I can't even bend down to put anything in the oven. Why waste precious energy making meals when ASDA or the Takeaway At The End Of The Street can do that for me? Why slave over a hot stove when I can be, well, sitting?

You'd think with such a level of exhaustion I would be sleeping like a log. Not so. Pregnant women do not sleep. We are nocturnal. We have to be nocturnal as all we want to do all night is pee. When not peeing we try in vain to arrange our pillows to support our body in such a way that will allow comfort. This is impossible. We cannot lie on our fronts as our bellies are too big. We cannot lie on our sides as our bumps fall to one side and need propping up with yet more pillows. In fact we use so many pillows we fear that we may be swamped by them and suffocate in the night. Finally, we cannot lie on our backs as our limbs go numb. Not to mention the fact that we're crippled with heartburn no matter what position we lie in. Great. In an attempt to overcome these problems, for the first time in my life I have taken to sleeping sitting up. Well, obviously I don't sleep because I'm nocturnal now, but if I were to sleep that would be how I'd have to do it ;o)

Don't get me wrong. I knew pregnancy would be diffcult and that being a student nurse whilst pregnant would be extremely draining. However, I didn't think it would get so exhausting so quickly. I feel like I'm close to burnout after only 2 weeks back at placement. I have no idea when I'm supposed to do my coursework when all I have the time for is going to placement and recovering from placement! Friends, and even staff at the hospital, have started commenting on how tired I look. One patient even said she felt guilty for being in bed and having me to look after her - the woman had just had major surgery and thought that I was the one that needed looking after! Luckily I see my midwife and my GP this week so I'll pick their brains for advice. I was hoping to get to the end of the semester before taking my maternity leave, but if I'm struggling now I'm only going to feel worse as the weeks go on and my belly gets even bigger. Right now, doing an 8-hour shift at 30+ weeks pregnant makes labour seem almost appealing...

Lisa xxx

I hate compression fittings

2007-01-20T20:17:00.000Z

I think one of the nastiest things B&Q have done to me has been to sell me two 15mm compression fitting end caps in exactly the same kind of packet, with different sized nuts on the end.

In an effort to remove two unnecessary radiator feeds from my living room, I decided that instead of draining the central heating system and taking my time over it, I'd just go gung-ho into it, and cut the pipes with water still flowing through them, then attempt to quickly stick a compression style end cap over it. Sure there'd be a bit of water spray into the foundations of the house, but it would only be momentary, and I'd have it capped off in a few seconds.

Wrong.

The first pipe I removed went quite smoothly. Apart from underestimating the pressure of the water, and getting a face full of black slimy water at first, it went quite nicely. The pipe was capped and I felt quite happy about it all. The second pipe was a little more awkwardly placed, hiding being a joist, but I set about it none-the-less. After cutting the pipe and getting another face full of water, I slapped the fitting over the end, the started tightening it up with the same two spanners I used on the other side. After about a minute of tightening it up, I realised that the spanner was too big for the nut, and was just spinning around doing nothing.

It was just as well Lisa was upstairs really. I had to shout her down, so that while I lay on the floor with my thumb over the end of the pipe, she had to search through my tools, trying to find a spanner that fit. In the end, the pipes were capped, and I think I've just created a swimming pool underneath the house. Now I'm enjoying my usual post-plumbing paranoia that the pipes will explode in the middle of the night, and the house will sink a few feet into the ground.

Joy!